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I can’t look at him, though. Not with the waterworks threatening to spill over. This is what happens when I’m on my period. I get overly-sensitive to everything. I stiffen. "There’s something I need to tell you."
"What is it?"
His voice is so gentle, so unlike Knight, and yet also, so like the Knight he is underneath that alphahole exterior he loves to show the world. It only makes my heart beat faster. My palms grow clammy, and I lock my fingers around my handbag.
"You can tell me anything, Little Dove." He clasps his big warm fingers around my colder ones, and his touch is gentle and arousing. My toes curl, my scalp tingles, and my heart drops down to my feet, then bounces up to tangle in my throat.
"Sir, Knight… I—" I swallow.Don’t cry. Don’t cry."Knight, I—"
He cups my cheek. "Tell me, baby."
A-n-d, that endearment is enough for a tear to spill over.
He pales. I kid you not, the color fades from his cheeks. He bends his knees and peers into my eyes. "You’re scaring me, honey, and that’s the only reason I’m going to order you to tell me what’s on your mind." His voice lowers to that remembered beloved hush. "Right. Now." Before he completes the sentences, the words burst out of me, "I’m not pregnant.”
61
Knight
"You’re not pregnant?"
She shakes her head. "I got my period yesterday, and I was so upset. But I was also relieved. I’m not ready to be a mother, yet, you know? Not until I’ve lived life a little, and traveled, and crossed some items off my bucket list. Paris, for sure. It’s only two hours from here by Eurostar, and I’ve never been. Can you imagine? And I haven’t swum with dolphins or seen the Northern Lights or climbed Uluru. Of course, there are a few things I know you’re going to help me tick off, like having five orgasms in one night, I mean you’re the master of orgasms, so I know this is bound to happen at some point. And then, you said we’d have anal—" She squeezes her eyes shut. "Did I say anal aloud in the park? Ignore that." She draws in a breath. "Not that I should be embarrassed to say that aloud, and I know we haven't done it yet, but you should know, I’ve been practicing with a plug in my bum like in the fanfic stories and, aargh—" She slaps her forehead. "Now I said bum. How could I say bum?" She buries her forehead against my chest. "Can we start again? I’m nervous—"
"Penny, it’s okay."
"—no, you don’t understand. I’m really nervous. I wanted to tell you. I should have told you yesterday. But I had a good cry, and Mira was there to console me, and then we ate ice-cream together and watched a chick flick, although I really did want to call you and talk to you instead—"
"You should have."
"—but I was worried you’d be upset. I know how much this means to you and—"
"Penny, you’re more important."
"—now, your dad’s going to be upset and—"
"Fuck my dad."
"Did you say F your dad?" she asks in a small voice.
I notch my knuckles under her chin, so she has to look up at me. "You heard me. I will not let him control my life anymore. Everything I’ve done so far in my life has been to get a reaction out of him, and that includes joining the Royal Marines." I wince. It’s the first time I’ve said the words aloud.
"Wow, that’s quite a confession," she murmurs.
"All those months of being stuck on my own provided me enough time to think over my past. When I returned to London, I was confused about what I wanted. I lost faith in the goals that guided my life until then. I joined the military—not only because I wanted to serve my country, though that, too—but also because it was a giant fuck you to my father’s lifestyle. He spent his time pursuing money and power, and I swore not to be like him. But then I got captured, and my world turned upside down. So, when I returned, I figured what I had to do was embrace that materialistic part of me, if that makes sense?"
She nods. "And now?"
"Now, I know you’re the most important thing in my life—" Tiny’s bark reaches us and a few seconds later he bumps into me from behind. I manage to hold my stance and keep her upright at the same time. I laugh. "And this boy, of course."
"You make a great dog-parent. You’d have made a great dad, too."
"There’s time."
She swallows. "Is it horrible that I was relieved not to be pregnant. I do want kids, just not yet."
"I want what you want. And if we never have kids, having you with me, by my side, in my life, is enough."
"Oh, you two remind me of me and your dad," Michelle pauses between us. Tiny barks again and tugs on his leash.
