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"Let me help you," he insists.
"The way you did by what you just told her?"
"I didn't think I was telling her something she didn't already know. She’s your wife; she should know your secrets. How long did you think you'd be able to hide it?"
"That's my problem. She'smywife;I'mthe one who gets to tell hermysecrets. "
"The only way to have a healthy relationship is by starting out on the right foot; something you, evidently, haven’t done."
"And you have?"
He releases his hold on the handkerchief, and I slide it into my pocket. Then he grabs some tissues from his desk. When he reaches for my torn-up palm, I don’t pull away. I allow him to press the tissues into the lacerated skin, then he folds my fingers around them. He releases his hold, and the two of us stare at each other.
The silence extends, then he blows out a breath. "If you’re referring to your mother, she’s aware of my past. She’s aware of what I had to do to keep my family in the style they were accustomed to."
"And all we wanted was more of your time. We could have done with far less and a father who was present at mealtimes, at school plays, and at graduation ceremonies."
He winces. "I accept, I wasn’t perfect. I accept, I didn’t come close to it. But I tried my best. When you come from nothing, you realize the value of money. It’s the one thing I was determined my family would never suffer for want of."
"And when you have an absentee parent, you realize you’d rather have their presence in your life than all the money in the world."
His features twist. He rakes his fingers through his hair, then seems to get a hold of himself. "I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you and Abby. But I’m not sorry I interfered in your life. I’m not sorry I put down a deadline for you to get married and settle down. And I’m not sorry I told her that you're planning to adopt Bobbie’s child. I only wish you'd told her first."
65
Penny
"How can he think so little of me? Does he think I would stop him from adopting a child who needs his help? Why couldn’t he tell me earlier? Why did I have to find out this way?" I stare into the depths of my Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia ice-cream. It’s a classic, and one my mom loves.
After my father passed away, and before she started losing her mind, it was our ritual most Friday evenings—the one day she didn’t hold down a third job—when we’d share a tub and watch her favorite classic movies on TV. My normal go-to for comfort is wine—don’t judge. But the fact I turned to ice cream today shows how upset I am. It’s one way I feel connected to my mother, but it’s also something I try to avoid, as it makes me feel so nostalgic, and that only makes me wallow in self-pity.
But today, I want to wallow. I want to roll around in my distress. I want to squelch through all the emotions and bury myself in my misery. A tear rolls down my cheek and plops into the ice cream. I scoop it up, tears and all, and plop the spoonful in my mouth. Tasting the slightly salty taste only makes me feel worse. Which was the entire point… right? I sniffle, then hunch my shoulders. "I can’t believe he didn’t tell me."
"Maybe he thought it’d upset you more?" Mira ventures.
I’m in our flat and sprawled out on the couch wearing my favorite pair of fuzzy slippers and pajamas. Good thing I didn’t take any of my old clothes when I moved in with Knight. Not that I needed to, since he filled the closet in my room with brand-new clothes for all seasons, and with footwear to accompany it. All my size, too. Of course, he must have had a professional stylist do it, but still. He not only guessed my size correctly, but also the colors I like. And the cuts of the clothes? They were perfect and flattering and always showed off the best parts of me, too. It’s another sign of how thoughtful he can be. Another thing that confuses me about this man.
"It’s upsetting me anyway. I specifically asked him if he had any more secrets and he—" I frown. "And when he didn’t reply… I thought there couldn’t be anything else. And I understand why he’s doing it. Bobbie is his dead teammate’s wife, and he feels responsible for his family. If he’d only told me, I’d have stood by him."
"So, you don’t mind that he wants to adopt their child?" Mira asks slowly.
I shake my head. "The child doesn’t have a father, and the mother is not in any state to be their caregiver. I think it’s an amazing thing that Knight is doing. If only he’d trusted me enough to share."
"Maybe he was working up the courage to tell you, but his father beat him to it?"
I jerk my chin up in Mira’s direction, and she raises her hands. "I’m not defending him or anything. And you’re right to be upset with him. If I were you, I’d have done the same thing—"
"But?" I swallow.
"But—" She hesitates, then rises to her feet and begins to pace. "The guy loves you—"
"He’s never said so."
"He has feelings for you—"
"Not enough to trust me with his secrets, apparently," I say bitterly.
"And you love him."
