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I skipped the coffee she normally gets me, and instead, made my own coffee and a sandwich for lunch at the kitchenette attached to my office. Then I worked all day before emerging after she’d left. It was to prove to myself that I could go an entire day without seeing her, and I had. Of course, it didn’t stop me from glancing at the app on my phone that links to her computer so I could see her face focused on the screen and whatever she was working on. Still, that's not the same as seeing her in person, right?
So, I managed well on my own. Then I came home and went for a run—without Adam—returning in time to shower and freshen up. But seeing her in the flesh and in my space, watching the sway of her hips as she glides across the hallway of my penthouse and toward the living room… Placing her bag on the coffee table as she shrugs out of her jacket, giving me the full view of how the pink dress she’s wearing clings to her curves… She crosses the floor toward the floor-to-ceiling windows that soar two stories high and showcase the view of London stretched out in front.
"Whoa, this is spectacular." Her voice is awed.
"It is." I take in her hourglass figure silhouetted against the sun's rays that pour in through the window.
She looks at me over her shoulder. "I was talking about the view."
"So was I."
Her cheeks redden. She looks me up and down, and her blush deepens further.
"You look good," her voice cracks and she clears her throat. "Not that you don’t normally look good, but you look better. I mean—" She squeezes her eyes shut. "Why do I always come across like a nincompoop where you’re concerned?"
My lips twitch. My chest feels lighter. This… This is why I like being with her. She’s a ray of sunshine that cuts through the quagmire in my head. A blazing comet that cleaves through the dark night of my soul. A shimmering, iridescent, sparkling jewel that illuminates the murky depths of my heart. I’m not aware of walking forward, but the next thing I know, I’m standing in front of her. I push a strand of her sunshine hair behind her ear, and her eyes fly open. Her gaze widens. She looks up at me, and I can see her soul in her eyes. The innocence, the hope, that optimism that comes from not having seen evil that dwells in people’s souls. Not having seen the violence I have—experienced death at close quarters, held friends as they’ve taken their last breath in my arms, looked in the eyes of a dying man as his soul dissolves, leaving behind the shell of what he was. What I am now. A caricature, a ghost, a husk of who I once was.
I’ll never go back to being that man again. The kind of man she deserves. Someone complete, someone whole, someone who can see, feel, and sense normalcy, want normal things—a life, a love, children for all the right reasons. That’s not me. And I don’t know who I am anymore. Don’t know who I’m going to be if I continue on the path I've set myself.
She tips up her chin, rises on her toes, and I know she wants me to kiss her. To press my mouth to hers, swipe my tongue across the seam of her lips, draw from her honeyed essence, share her breath and raise her pulse rate until her knees give out from under her. That’s what she wants from me, I know, which is why I step back from her and growl, "This is not a date."
23
Penny
That’s what he says, but everything in the room says otherwise. Firstly, he smells delicious. He always smells wonderful, but that sea-breeze laced with pepper scent of his is especially pronounced today, like he splashed an extra dollop of cologne on after shaving. And hehasshaved. His normal five o’ clock shadow is gone, revealing that jawline which makes me swoon. On the other hand, the scruff on his jaw always makes me wonder how it would feel to have him draw that roughened skin between my thighs. My pussy clenches on cue, even as my heart feels like it’s breaking. He’s made it clear that the only reason I’m here is work related. Nothing else. I swallow around the ball of emotion in my throat, then paste that bright smile on my face.
"Don’t do that." He frowns.
"What?"
"Don’t smile when you really want to throw something at me."
My lips freeze in the curved shape they took on earlier. "I don’t know what you’re talking about."
"You put on a front to the world. Pretend you’re happy and sunny and everything is going to be okay, when inside, you’re really raging and angry."
This time, I do wipe the smile off my face. "You don’t know me at all." I begin to push past him, but he grabs my wrist. Electricity shoots out from the point of contact. He must feel it, too, for his nostrils flare. He lets go of me at once, and instantly, I miss his touch. Which is crazy. How could I have let him get under my skin so quickly? Especially since I’m not sure if I like him.
"You’re right, I don’t."
I blink. "You agree with me?"
"Why do you sound surprised?"
"Because you haven’t agreed with a single thing I’ve said since I came to work for you."
He seems taken aback again, likely because I’ve never been this upfront with him. But being away from the office has eased the atmosphere between us. It feels less formal, and he feels more approachable. It may also be because he seems a little more at ease in these surroundings.
"You’re right again. I’m not easy to be with. It’s not that I’m not aware of it."
"So, you just don’t care?"
"Not particularly, if I’m being honest. I’m too focused on ensuring I get ownership of the company from my father."
"And that’s important to you?"
"It’s the most important thing in my life right now," he admits.
