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"Does it get better?" I ask slowly.
"It gets"—he pauses, then draws in a breath—"deeper, until it digs into your guts and becomes this poison that seeps into your system and corrodes your veins and eats away at your innermost emotions, until all you feel is an emptiness, a blankness, a vastness you know you’ll never be able to fill."
I squeeze my eyes shut. "Hope your sermons weren’t this deep, Father."
"It’s Edward, and truth be told, my sermons were never the most uplifting, but they always struck a chord with the congregation, or so I’m told. People came to me to hear the truth. I took pride in being able to be honest without worrying about the consequences, until it was time for me to share my own truth. I hesitated and I lost."
"I hesitated and I lost my entire team."
This time he turns to me. "Afghanistan?"
"Russia."
"You made it out of there."
Every muscle in my body coils with tension. "So I'm told. I wish I hadn’t."
"Ever ask yourself why you’re here and they're not?"
I scoff. "Every fucking day. "
"Perhaps you need to ask what would have happened if you hadn’t made it?"
"I’d be dead."And even then, I wouldn’t be at peace.
"You need closure."
"No shit."
"You need to … Embrace what you feel about her."
I draw myself up to my full height. "There are no feelings where she’s concerned."
He turns and props a hand on his hip. "I don’t know you that well, but you’re here. Meaning, not only do we have friends in common, but they trust you enough to invite you into their inner circle, so I’m going to tell you a secret."
"Not sure I want to hear it."
"Oh, trust me; you do."
"Save your breath… Father." I turn to leave, but he steps around and in front of me.
I glare at him.
He half smiles. "I wish someone had told me this when I was busy being an arse and forfeiting the chance to keep the most important thing in my life. I left when she needed me most. I was too much of a coward to face my own feelings. I wasn’t ready to face my own reality. I had too many of my own issues to sort out. I didn’t deserve her. I lost her."
"Sounds like a hell of tearjerker," I growl.
His smile widens. "Pride comes before a fall."
I scoff. "Thanks, but no thanks, for the free advice."
I turn to leave, only to find two men walking toward me.
"Hey, motherfucker." Rick smirks.
"Where you been hiding yourself, sunshine?" Finn nods.
"Out of my way, Rick, or I’ll be forced to tell people what your real name is."
