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Wandering through this abyss of believing,
I’d never ask you to stay on your way out the door.
Maybe I want you to do it on your own.
But you won’t, and I know as much
And I wonder if I’ll ever believe in this again.
My chest heaved with the emotion I’d put into the final lines.
My brother put his hand on my shoulder, and I turned into him to hug him.
“I guess dressing up brings something out in me,” I said when I turned back to the crowd.
* * *
The next morning, my picture was everywhere. Videos were circulating of my impromptu performance ofWaste Away, trending all over the internet. And for the first time in weeks, Kingsley wasn’t trending.
Was that my price?
I could save myself and my brother, but I’d lose Royal?
SEVEN
Aspen
He looked at me for the first time in weeks when I walked off stage. His chest heaved, and his hands balled into fists. He lifted his chin, and his eyes would haunt me for the rest of my existence.
It wasn’t quite sorrow. It was deeper. Hollow.
I felt the loss in the center of my chest. I felt the hole he’d leave.
Doubt crept in. I didn’t want to believe my brother was right.
Would I forever be homesick for the possibility of us?
The impossibility of us.
Neither of us spoke or moved.
I didn’t dare be the first to break.
This might be the last moment. The end of us and the band.
Steve broke the trance, asking for my guitar. I tore my gaze away and muttered an apology, handing over my gear. By the time I looked up, Royal was gone.
I went into mourning.
And I showed up to our next show in all black and sheer lace. A veil over my face. I walked out on stage five minutes before anyone was ready. The crew scrambled, but I waved Steve off, holding up my black acoustic. I never played it on the road, but tonight was different.
The crowd exploded, only able to see the shift in the shadows as I walked to center stage. The spotlight came quicker this time. I stood with my head lowered as they screamed.
Without lifting the veil, I brought the mic to my lips.
Damn the dead that still breathe.
The ones we’ve buried and still have to see.
