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I lost it all over the tree, groaning so loud I knew people could hear us. It was so different than when anyone else touched me in public. I wanted everyone to know I’d won, and he was inside me. I wanted them to know his cum would be dripping between my thighs as we walked back to our bungalow. I reveled in his wanting me.
I slumped forward, spent and breathing hard, basking in the beauty of his kisses on the back of my neck.
I smiled into the bark, my palms and forearms burning, rubbed raw I was sure. But it was worth it. I wanted to turn on him and kiss him, but I didn’t want him out of me yet, nor risk losing him still half hard inside me. He pulsed, taking gasped breaths from where he’d just bit me. He kissed the back of my neck again before withdrawing.
I braced for it as I turned, searching his face to see if he’d run away.
He brushed his lips over mine, tentative.
I gave over to his kiss like it would somehow root him into place and keep him here.
I could see it processing in the back of his mind. What he’d just done. What we’d just done.
What that meant for his sexuality.
For me, he was bisexual the minute he started fantasizing, but I knew it was different for him. He was okay repressing it and shoving it down to pretend. I didn’t know how he could live like that. I didn’t think I could live without him. Not after this. And I knew the repercussions that might have for the band. We might never be able to be around each other again.
Sadness gripped my chest as we broke apart. He fixed his pants and parted his lips, but no sound came.
Fear shone in his eyes, and I knew.
This was when I lost Royal for good.
NINETEEN
Royal
He ruined me.
Every breath and gasp.
As gorgeous as he was when he got off-stage, sweaty and disheveled, I preferred being the cause. I’d done this. Not the fans or the high. Me. It was another type of high. I loved being the cause of his happiness. It hit me unexpectedly.
The taste of his color changed, brightened and bolder. I inhaled the music in his scent. The symphony of his aroma.
The best orgasm of my life, and I was still coming down as I put my dick back in my pants. There was no recovering. No breathing. He was here, and I had to face it, even when every molecule in my body told me to run. I wanted to run. But I knew I couldn’t do that to Aspen. Not if I wanted this to go on. I couldn’t do that to my best friend.
“Don’t run away. Please,” Aspen whispered, grasping at my face.
I dug somewhere deep and found the courage to stay. Every passing second of silence grew more painful as I searched for words. What did I say to him? What did I say about any of it? I still didn’t want to say the word ‘gay’ to myself. I just wanted to take him back to our bungalow and fuck him until we both forgot who we were. So I could abandon the real life we’d have to face the minute we left.
For the first time, I didn’t want to leave. I didn’t want to go back to any of it. Not our careers, not our lives. Not Boston. Not even my mother. I didn’t know how she’d react. My father was long dead, but I didn’t know if his beliefs had stained her too.
But I couldn’t do that. I loved her too much to hide from her for the rest of my life. Even if that meant disappointing her to the point that she disowned me. I’d have to face her.
But first, I had to face what was right in front of me.
I tried again to speak, but I couldn’t put into words the swirl of emotion and grief. The fear and rage I still felt from the bar.
I grabbed him and kissed him. He sagged into me, wrapping his arms around my neck. He held me so fucking tight I knew he needed this as much as I did.
“I’m not.” I pressed my forehead against his temple.
We didn’t move for a long time, alternating between kissing and just breathing the same air. He hugged me, and I finally pulled him away from the tree so I could do the same. My arms wrapped so tightly around his back there couldn’t be even a breath between us.
“Promise me. Promise me right fucking now you won’t run away.”
I pulled back, and he clung. But I forced him to look me in the eyes. “I promise.”
