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“I thought you were an assistant or something.” I tried to play it cool, but the fucking derailment of my thoughts barely left my voice steady.
“Do you like it?” He took another step closer, eyes fixed on mine like he knew something was off.
He’d been my best friend for far too long to hide anything from. He could probably see it written all over my expression. Fuck.
“It’s fine.” I refused to drop my eyes from his.
I didn’t want to know what reaction my body would have to the illusion of Aspen as a chick, and I didn’t want to be standing in front of him with a fucking tent in my pants, trying to explain myself.
“I do this, and all I get is ‘it’s fine’?” he asked, spinning in a slow circle. The fluttering and lifting of his skirt from the movement filled the edges of my gaze.
I swallowed—hard. “What made you do it?”
“I’m tired of being unhappy. I want to change it. I see how happy Kingsley is, and I don’t know… I’ve always liked to paint my nails and liked the look of non-conforming.” Aspen shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal, but I knew my best friend better than that. He was looking for my approval.
“Does that make you…” I didn’t know the word for it.
“What?” he asked.
“Like a girl or trans or something?” I cringed, not wanting to sound like I was judging him. Not after the fight we’d had in Miami a few months ago and all the stuff with his brother coming out as bi.
He shook his head. “No, not like that. I can be a guy and like feminine stuff.” He dropped his chin, breaking our eye contact, letting his hair fall in his face. “It doesn’t have to be anything more than I like it. I’m tired of a record company telling me what to fucking wear after tens of millions of albums and sold-out world tours. Punk has always been about saying fuck you to the man. I’m going to do what fucking makes me happy.”
“What brought this on?” My voice came out strained. I still couldn’t bring myself to lower my gaze. I clenched my hands into fists, ironing my will.
“A lot. All the stuff with my brother and…other stuff. I don’t know. I just did it.” He glanced down at himself, doing something to his fishnets.
My eye twitched, but I resisted looking. “So is this going to be an all the time thing?”
He shrugged noncommittally. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. Are you going to be mad if it is?”
“No,” I said stiffly. At least not for the fucking reason you think I am.
He narrowed his eyes. “What’s your problem then? Are you going to fucking say something about it?” There was an edge to his voice that raised my defenses.
“I’ve supported you and King this whole time. I’ve stood up for your brother and his…choices.” I barely held back the edge to my tone.
“Then what’s this fucking attitude about?” Aspen asked.
“Nothing.” I shook my head, trying to come up with an excuse.
“Tell me the truth, Royal.”
TWO
Royal
There was a knock on the open door behind me. “There you are,” said a harried-sounding assistant. “Places—it’s time.”
I didn’t turn to look at her; I held Aspen’s challenging stare. “Coming.”
There was a pause, where I played stare chicken with Aspen, until finally, she let out an exasperated sound and stepped closer. “Now, guys!”
Aspen looked away first, and I was glad. I had no words for any of my thoughts right now, but me looking away first seemed like it would come off as a rejection of whatever this thing Aspen was doing. And despite my confusion, I wouldn’t do that to him.
“Come on. We need to be on stage,” he said walking past me. I turned and watched him get a few steps ahead of me, fighting my body’s natural reaction to the sight. It’s fucking Aspen! Then I mutely followed him.
“Where have you two been?” Levi asked before doing a double take. His brows rose. “Damn.”
