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“We just played a shit hole to two-hundred people, and you’re worried about us being famous.”
“I know we will be. I know how my brother writes, but it doesn’t matter if we are playing to two-hundred people or two million.” He pressed a finger into my chest. “This is bigger than us. This is the only home a lot of us will have. Every one of them who grew up like we did is looking for a place to be accepted; that’s what the fucking punk scene is all about.” There was a bite to his words. Like he was daring me to challenge it.
The memory hit me harder than I expected it to. He had always been unapologetically himself, and all of us had doubted it. But Aspen knew best, and the fans loved when he was genuine.
“And the more you are yourself, the more famous you get and the more issues it brings with it,” I whispered. “They’ve always loved you. Probably because you feel like home.”
“Wefeel like home. It’s part of what has always worked for us. All four of us. We’ve always been a family.” Aspen draped an arm around my neck.
“I still don’t know what to do. I hate that we have to put ourselves out to the masses to keep this.”
“I don’t blame them. It’s not the fans’ fault there are some shitty ones, and the media doesn’t care how they torture people to exploit them for money.” Aspen had the best heart of anyone I’d ever met. No one deserved him.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure?” He looked at me in the low light, and I never wanted him to stop.
“How did you know it would work? How’d you know we’d be playing arenas,” I asked, still in awe of everything he’d done. How deeply creative he was and true to himself.
“I didn’t know it would work. But it was the first place I felt like I wasn’t a freak. After getting kicked out and finally finding a place I could be me, I told myself to not let anyone stop me. I’d already lost my home and agency over being who I was, so I was done holding back. People could hate me if they wanted, but I was going to make a place for everyone like us. I knew there were more like us. We built a home and community, and I think that’s what worked.”
“You amaze me every single day. Your spirit. No wonder they are all obsessed with you. I get to spend every day with you, and I’m obsessed.” I laughed.
“You don’t mind the costumes, really?” he asked carefully.
“Not at all. Except maybe the Joker. That was a low blow.”
He laughed.
“I have one more question.”
“Yes?”
“Why did you do red hair instead of green?”
Aspen cringed. “I don’t want to tell you. I will, but I don’t want to.”
I waited for him to answer.
“I did green first, and it looked awful. Like I was the most unattractive Joker in existence. Couldn’t do it. So I went back, and I guess the only color that would cover it so I didn’t have to strip it and start over was pinks and red. Something about going opposite on the color wheel. I don’t understand it, but it worked.” He pulled at a strand of his red hair. It had faded some, but it still looked good.
“I like it. It’s a little Danger Days.”
Aspen smiled. “That might be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“I’m a little sad I didn’t get to see the green, though.”
He grunted. “No, there are no pictures, and I’m never doing it again.”
“I can’t believe you’d treat me in this manner and not let me see your awful green hair.”
He held up his middle finger. “Do you want to help me pick a costume for the NYE show?”
“Are we doing it?” I asked.
“I told Levi I’m not canceling.”
“Then what are we going to do?”
