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My heart immediately drops. “Um, no,” I dryly mumble, dropping my gaze to the flickering candle in the center of our table. “They passed away.”
“Oh, goodness,” she gasps. “I am so sorry, Sasha.”
“It’s okay,” I reassure her, forcing a grin. “You didn’t know. They died when I was eighteen.”
Suddenly, she reaches across the table, and rests her hand over mine. Lifting my head, my glistening eyes meet hers.
“I’m so, very sorry for your loss,” Lucy emotionally says, squeezing my hand. “I cannot imagine the pain you went through.”
“It was difficult. It’s still difficult,” I admit.
“The more you talk about it, the easier it will get. Time heals all wounds.”
“That’s what they say.”
“I know we’ve only just met the other day, but I want you to know that I am here for you. We are all here for you.”
A knot forms in my stomach from her sincerity.
“Thank you,” I murmur.
“Of course. After all, you’re a part of our family.”
Family.
The room spins. My body tenses, and my breathing becomes uneven. Guilt consumes me, knowing that deep down, this kind woman has no idea. I’m not a part of her family. I never will be.
This is all just a lie.
* * *
Shuttingthe front door behind me, my thoughts have never been more erratic. There’s a heaviness in my chest, and I can’t quite seem to catch my breath.
Walking across the living room, I stop abruptly in the middle, gripping the couch to keep myself steady. A soft melody is playing through the record player, and it only seems to make me feel worse.
Much worse.
That unsettling feeling becomes stronger, building inside me, until it’s screaming at me. The atmosphere feels dense. It’s as if my whole world has been thrown off, pushed off track, and nothing seems to make sense anymore.
In my logical mind, I know that I shouldn’t feel this way. I should be happy, ecstatic about this arrangement between us.
Ecstatic about the money.
Although, everything has somehow changed in the matter of an hour. Guilt blazes inside of me, a burning frenzy of doubt, sadness, and fear. After having dinner with Lucy, his wonderful mother, this deal doesn’t seem as appealing as it once was. Lying, I can get by with, but under these new circumstances, it just feels wrong.
Lucy made me realize that for this past week, my feelings have grown more than I ever would have expected.
For the money, for his family.
Forhim.
I’ve been falling deep and deeper into this world, his world, and that’s the thing. This world belongs to him, not to me. The only thing I’ll be entitled to at the end of this arrangement is one hundred thousand dollars, and I’m not so sure if this is worth it anymore.
I’ve allowed myself tofeel, something I haven’t done in years, and I’m terrified of the outcome. I am terrified of losing something important to me again.
I’m terrified of losing myself.
“Sasha,” Jaxon announces, pulling me from my thoughts. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
