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"You make it sound like we'll be zip-lining as a couple. We won't. I'm going solo."
I've always been impressed with the way she can be stern while still speaking in a calm tone. It's a mom thing, I guess.
Engine noises grumble in the distance, growing louder swiftly. Then two identical odd-looking vehicles emerge from another trail and stop nearby. I can see the men who drove the vehicles---Rene the pilot and Emilio the assistant manager. They both grin as they hop out of their contraptions.
"How do ya like our ORVs?" Emilio shouts. "We'll be riding them up the mountain to the starting point for the zip line tour."
I thought "ORV" was just a fancier name for ATVs. But no, it's clearly a different animal. The ORVs in question look like a cross between a dune buggy and a jeep, without any of the amenities, including a distinct lack of windows or seatbelts. Well, I guess they do have doors, of a sort. That must be what the canvas slings on each side of the vehicle are supposed to be.
"We are not ready to go yet," James declares, loudly. "I haven't given my speech. Please gather round and hold any questions until I've finished."
Holly grins and kisses his cheek. "You are so cute when you get general-manager-y."
Vanessa has never called me "cute." But then, she isn't in her twenties. I love that Vanessa is mature, and I'm very glad my days of dating silly young women are long gone.
James gives a professional speech, advising us of the rules for this expedition and explaining how everything will unfold. When I'd booked a nudist vacation for me and Vanessa, I'd assumed this place would be more like a hippie commune than a five-star resort. I was dead wrong. They might cater to the au naturel set, but all the employees take their jobs seriously.
"And now, it's time to send you on your way," James announces. "Emilio and Rene, we are handing the reins over to you gents. And to all of you, our wonderful guests, enjoy your adventure."
Holly and James wave goodbye as they amble off down the trail.
"All right, listen up," Emilio shouts. "Five of you will get into each of the ORVs. I'll drive the first one, and Rene will follow us in the second one."
Rene grins with devilish delight. "First come, first served, mates. Hand-to-hand combat is allowed, so start fighting for the spot right next to the partner of your choice."
Emilio shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "There will be no fighting. Rene has a bizarre sense of humor."
The first ORV gets filled up first. I try to snag a spot in that one, since Vanessa is riding in it, but a pair of senior citizens beat me to it. I wind up in the backseat of the second ORV, squashed between Zach and Aspen. She starts chattering away at me, but as soon as the engines rev up, I can't hear whatever she might be saying.
Our trip up the mountain is noisy, but not deafening. The bumps aren't too bumpy either. I imagine the resort staff made sure the trail would be relatively smooth for those of us who aren't strapping young twenty-somethings.
We arrive at our destination to find two people, a man and a woman, waiting for us. These must be the experts who will oversee our zip-lining adventure. At least they both look mature enough to know what they're doing.
The woman waves her arms to get our attention. "Listen up! Your zip-lining tour is about to begin. I know you've all signed waivers, but we need to go through the safety measure just to be sure."
Her accent reminds me of Emilio, so she must be from New Zealand too.
"My name is Mila Baker," our hostess declares. "And this handsome chap beside me is my husband, Cooper. We'll be guiding you on this tour. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to speak up. Now, here comes the bloody boring part."
She recites the rules and explains how zip-lining works, then shows us a harness. We will be strapped into one of those. Cooper tells us all about hand braking, which is how we can slow down our speed while zip-lining. He and Mila give each of us a pair of sturdy leather gloves. Those are our brakes. Cooper tells us about the potential dangers of hand braking. We all go through several rounds of practicing our braking skills with a short zip line that's about six feet above the ground.
"There will be five zip lines," Cooper tells us. "Four for you lot, and one for Mila and me in case we need to quickly reach someone who's in trouble. We've been doing this for twelve years and have never had a serious problem. But if you're at all anxious about this, don't be shy about speaking up."
Zach laughs. "Seriously? We're all standing here buck naked. Do you really think we're shy?"
Cooper smiles. "Point taken."
He and Mila are clothed, just like James, Holly, Emilio, and Rene.
Our ORV drivers wish us "a bloody fantastic time," then head back down the mountain.
"Ready for a hike?" Mila asks. "It's not far to the top of the zip line, and the grade is pretty gentle. Let's go."
Mila and Cooper guide us up a narrower trail that's wide enough for only two people to walk side by side. I try to get close to Vanessa, but she sees me coming and scoots ahead to walk beside Aspen. I find myself shoulder to shoulder with Zach. Fortunately, he doesn't talk. He does, however, keep bumping his shoulder into mine while grinning and winking at me. I have no idea what that means, but I decide to assume he's just excited about zip-lining.
I'm getting a pit in my stomach that grows every minute.
We reach the top of the trail, about halfway up the mountain, and stop. I can see sturdy trees with zip lines attached to them. I can also see the mechanisms that make the zip line work, though I don't know the official terms for them. Mila shows us the "swing seat" that each of us will ride in, and then there are trolleys and carabiners and bungee brakes and various other things I know I'll never remember once I'm flying through the air. Luckily, I don't need to remember. Mila and Cooper tell us they've installed automatic braking systems too that will make sure we never get going too fast.
