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Lindie’s words echoed through my head, and I hit a key wrong, wincing as the piano showed its displeasure at the misuse through a sound closely resembling a cat being choked to death. My hands froze, hovering over the keys, and I sighed, shoulders slumping.
I couldn’t play like this, with her in my head. It wasn’t fair to the music or to the piano. My music didn’t need to be tainted by her words. Not anymore. I skimmed over the notes instead, my throat vibrating as I hummed the tune, searching for flaws.
None. Perfect.
Useless. You’re fucking useless. You’re the reason he’s gone.
I sighed before standing and stretching, mindful of how I twisted so as to not agitate my back. My joints cracked from hunching over the piano. When I glanced at the clock, I winced. I needed to make dinner before she came back. If I didn’t, she’d be angry, and she’d only throw more work at me while berating me. Lindie always had a sharp tongue. If someone had the ability to strip away my physical body, I had no doubt they’d see the scarring of her venomous words.
I rushed to the door before freezing with my hand on the doorknob. Not the same one in the old house. The same one that had a lock on the outside to keep me in. This lock had one on the inside. Not the same.
Different.
Relief chilled my panic and I nearly crumpled to the floor, unable to look away from the doorknob.
Not the same.
“Silly,” I mumbled. “She can’t hurt me anymore.”
My head hung as reality caught up with me and it really kicked home that Lindie would no longer come home. Not to this house. I didn’t need to rush to cook for her anymore. She was finally getting the help she needed and that meant I was safe.
Still. I needed to make dinner for myself at least. I went back over to the piano to make sure everything was put away correctly. After lowering the fallboard to cover the keys, I ran my hand back over the smooth cover, enjoying the feel of the cold wood against my fingers. Unbidden, a sad smile stretched across my face and I blinked back the burning in my eyes.
I hadn’t cried yet, and I wasn’t about to start now. I was okay now. I’d be okay. All that was needed was time, and I had plenty of that.
My cell phone rang just as I got back downstairs into the kitchen.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Cadence,” a warm, female voice said, and I smiled.
“Amy, how’s it going?”
“Good, I just wanted to call to ask how you’re settling. I wanted to swing by to check in on you, but a client needed me. I can still make it out in a little bit if you’d like.”
“Oh, no, I’m good,” I said. “You don’t need to come here.”
She was silent for a moment. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. I’m pretty beat with all the moving, so I’m about to make dinner and then call it early.”
“Oh. Okay. That’s fine, then.” Her response was hesitant, her uncertainty filtering through the phone. “I’ll check in with you tomorrow.”
I couldn’t help but smile at my lawyer’s concern. She’d become my biggest advocate, fighting by my side to make sure everything was settled. While she was still my lawyer, she also became a friend and an advisor. I had a strong suspicion that if I hadn’t had her in my corner, I would have ended up in the foster system. I was way too old to be in the system, and I didn’t want to take the space of another child that probably needed a family placement more than I did.
I’d be okay. My hands trembled at that small thought. I tightened my grip on my phone. I had to be okay.
“Are we still meeting soon?” she asked.
“Yes, of course. As soon as I have an idea of my schedule, I’m going to let you know.”
“Good. Take care, Cadence.”
There was a low click as she hung up on me and then my phone beeped at me to let me know the call had been disconnected.
Suddenly, with that simple call from Amy, my house didn’t feel so big. I did have someone who truly wanted to support me from the bottom of her heart. She was there for me because she wanted to be.
And that had to mean something.
