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“Nah. I’m pretty tired. I’ll take the morphine and rest.” His eyes flickered open. “After I talk to Macey.”
Ray’s stomach turned over. “Why?”
“To break off our engagement. My fiancée fell in love with my twin.” He smiled again, but stopped and muttered, “Ow.”
Ray stood and paced away from the bed.
“Ray?”
He paced back, not sitting down, clenching his fists. “Macey’s back in San Diego. Working with Sutton.”
T’s eyes widened, and he looked fully awake. “Why?”
“I … she … it’s what’s best, all right?”
“No, it’s not,” T hissed. “You love her. She loves you. Get over your tortured, sacrificing for everybody else, proud self-importance, and go get her.”
“It’s not about my pride and self-importance,” he protested.
“What is it about?”
Ray swallowed. His brother didn’t need this right now, but he heard himself say, “A few days before Mum died, she said to me, ‘You would do anything to protect this family, protect this kingdom. I know we’re safe with you around …’” He trailed off, and couldn’t look at his brother.
“So that’s why.” T sounded exhausted. “Mum would never expect you to take the load on yourself that you have. Mum would never have blamed you for her death.”
Ray knew that. In theory. But believing it … He clenched his fist and thumped it against his leg. Forcing himself to meet his brother’s gaze, he said nothing.
T’s eyes were tired but determined. “Mum’s death is not on your head. I’m fine. I’ll heal up, or I won’t. What do scars matter? Your soul mate is what matters. Go get her.”
Ray sank into the chair and stared at his brother. “If I hadn’t been so weak and kissed her, I would’ve been in the room with you and kept you from getting burned.”
T was worked up now, and even though it took a lot of effort, he laid into Ray. “For someone so smart, you’re being really stupid. Think about the timing. You wouldn’t have gotten there soon enough to stop the bomb. You would’ve gotten burned like I did. You’d be dead, or lying in a bed next to me. Let go of whatever guilt you have, about me and about Mum. Go get Macey. Mum would want you to.” He closed his eyes and seemed to sink into the bed, exhausted.
Ray shook his head, though T was probably right. He wouldn’t have made it in fast enough to stop Jobe; he would’ve just been lying in a hospital bed too. Or a coffin. It didn’t stop him from feeling guilty. His love for Macey was all tied up in that guilt. ‘Let go of whatever guilt you have’? He had no idea how to do that.
Besides, he had been responsible for security, so no matter how you looked at it, this was his fault. He’d even given T a hard time about leaving his window open at night and T had laughed and said the only person who could scale their walls was Kiera.
“I’m not leaving your side until you walk out of this room,” Ray insisted. “I need to be here.”
“Heaven give me strength,” T muttered. “Father above,” he prayed aloud. “Help my stupid brother to let go of this guilt. Let him see no matter how much he sacrifices, he can’t be General and bodyguard and everything else. Help him see that sometimes the best thing for him is also the best thing for everyone else. Help him to let his pride go, to let Mum go, to let his control go, and to go claim the love You brought into his life. Amen.”
Ray stared at his brother as he fell back against the bed, obviously drained.
“I’m tired,” T admitted. “I need to rest and heal. Tell the nurse to bring on the drugs.” He closed his eyes and could have passed for asleep if Ray didn’t know him better. “I don’t want to see you again until you’re standing here with Macey, holding hands or kissing in front of me. I don’t care. No more denying your love. That’s an order from your crown prince. Now go.”
Ray smiled but sobered quickly. He couldn’t just go get Macey. There was too much guilt and angst, too many things he’d done wrong, said wrong. Everybody here needed him.
“You’re still here,” grunted T.
Ray pushed out a heavy breath. What a mess. At least T was being himself and didn’t seem upset that he’d be scarred. Then again, he was talking nonsense about Ray being too proud and self-important and not blaming himself for their mum’s death and for T being injured.
All Ray had tried to do was give everything for his family and the kingdom.
And the price had been higher than he’d ever imagined.
It hit him like a gut punch. All of his sacrifice and hard work, and what had it gotten him? No one was happy. T was burned. Mum wasn’t avenged. A murder was on the loose. Macey was gone.
What had his sacrifice cost? Everything.
