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I search Main Street for Jake, sure I’m too late to find him. He tore out of Sugar and Sips so fast, he’s likely long gone by now, but I spot his parked truck, with the man sitting inside.
I jog over and knock on his window.
He startles, then glances at me. And…God. He doesn’t just look upset. He looks like a man shaken to his core.
My heart gives an uncomfortable pinch.
Maybe Cal was right. Maybe Jake’s acceptance of my rejection was a show for me. Maybe he’s actually been torn up over it, forcing his emotions down, and I had no clue. I might not have romantic feelings for him. Our relationship was more surface than deep and loving, but he’s a good man. A friend I care for deeply. My part in his devastation hurts to think about.
I circle to the other side, open the passenger door, and slide into his truck. The air feels thick with heartache.
“I’m sorry,” I say on a heavy exhale. “When we talked the other day, I didn’t mention Cal because I was sure he didn’t feel the way I feel. I was positive it would never be an issue. Then last night and this morning happened, and there’s obviously no going back from here. So I need to be one hundred percent honest.” I angle toward Jake, bite my lip at how torn up he seems. “I love Callahan. I think I have for most of my life.”
He stares hard out the front windshield. “Even when you were with me?”
“In a way, but more like he’s always been a part of me. An organ that makes me function properly. But when I was with you, I waswithyou. I didn’t spend that time pining for Cal. But then you and I started to drift apart. I know you felt that too—that we weren’t all that compatible in the end. Or maybe from the start.”
He sighs at the truck’s roof. “I did.”
His admission eases a bit of my remorse. “The other day, when I told you I only wanted to stay friends, you agreed it was for the best. You said theideaof getting back together was what drove your interest, not any real feelings. Was that true, or were you putting on an act, pretending you were fine?”
“Jolene.” He hangs his head and massages his brow. “When I moved back to Windfall and saw you, it was like time froze. Or more like I could rewind time? Pick up where we left off and erase the hell of my past twelve years. It was a false emotion and fleeting. So, yeah—I meant everything I said the other day. I was wrong to pursue you. I’m not mad that you’re in love with someone else. Iamshocked it’s Cal, but I’m not angry with you.”
“But you’re angry with Cal? That’s why you ran out on him?”
A muscle in his jaw bunches. “This isn’t about you and Cal. Not really. Don’t get me wrong. Seeing you two together would be…strange. It’ll take some getting used to. But I didn’t tear out of there because of that.”
“Then what? Why are you so upset?”
He grips his steering wheel, twisting his hands around the rim. “The night those cheating rumors started, something happened with Larkin.”
Hurt instantly rises. Anger at Larkin, not him. My feelings for Jake are too watered-down to get mad at our ancient history, but Larkin has become a friend. My closest friend outside of Cal. She sat there and lied to me, telling me they never hooked up. “I’m honestly floored. I believed you when you said nothing happened, and Larkin assured me you two didn’t hook up.”
He shakes his head quickly. “We didn’t. It was nothing like that, except…”
“Except?”
“If I’m honest, since today seems to be an honesty bloodbath”—he runs his tongue over his teeth—“I wanted to. Larkin and I talked a lot that night, and I felt something for her, which made me feel awful and guilty, but I didn’t act on it. Something else happened that night, something I don’t want to discuss now or probably ever. Larkin has every right to despise me, and I’m a little furious with my brother right now for setting all that in motion.”
I face forward, relieved but also concerned. I’m worried for Jake and Larkin and whatever it is they went through. I’m terrified there’s too much baggage between Cal and me for him to give us a true shot, and Jake’s last comment means Cal’s guilt could be even worse.
If Jake’s upset with Cal for putting him on that collision course with Larkin, then he thinks Cal’s the one who started the cheating rumors. As did I, back in the day. Or maybewishedis the better word. I selfishly hoped he’d orchestrated that debacle because he loved me as much as I loved him. Then everything got too messy on my end. He pushed me away, and I no longer trusted my Callahan intuition. But a lot has happened since then.
“Did Cal arrange it so you had to take Larkin home, and then he started the cheating gossip?”
“Ah, fuck.” Jake knocks his head into his headrest.
“I take it that’s a yes?”
“Yeah,” he says, sounding drained. “Probably shouldn’t have said anything, although fuck that.Yes, Cal planned that whole fiasco. He wanted you, but was likely too guilt-ridden afterward to do anything about it. And now Larkin—” He clams up and his jaw pulses. “You don’t sound surprised,” he says, switching topics. “Did you know Cal orchestrated it all?”
“I had a feeling, yeah. I was planning to end things with us anyway, and I was thinking about Cal a lot. I assumed when we were over, Cal and I might finally have a chance together, but I realized afterward that I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. The idea of dating him right after dating you,ifhe was interested, felt wrong. And he got really distant anyway. Would barely speak to me.”
“Then we went into witness protection,” Jake finishes. The kind of plotline you’d see on TV. “What about now?” he asks, still looking out the window. “You two obviously have strong feelings for each other. Does the idea of dating Cal still feel wrong?”
Jake’s dashboard is dusty. I trace a slow line through it, a divider between then and now. “Twelve years is a long time. We’ve all changed, and what happened with you and me seems distant now. Like two different people in a different life. With our history, dating Cal isn’t ideal. I don’t want to create awkwardness with you or your family, but the idea of being with him doesn’t feel wrong anymore. It feels terrifyinglyright.”
He nods as my admission lingers. “All I want in the end is for my family to be happy. For Cal to take a breath and look after himself.”
