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“The fact I don’t have his phone number,” I said. “I mean, I know it might sound strange, but like, it’s weird to me that I had sex with someone, and I don’t have his phone number. Like, sure, I could walk over and knock on his door if I want to talk to him, but isn’t that lame? Like, I have never been in this situation before. I don’t really know what to do.”
“What do you mean, what to do? Sounds to me like you’re doing fine,” Erin said.
“Should I go ask him for his number?” I giggled. “It seems like I’m struggling now on whether I should do the thing that would have normally been the very first step in this. But we skipped so much of what would be normal here and went straight to where we are now. And now I don’t know if it would be weird to go ask him if I can have his number. What’s wrong with me?”
“I think you’re having some true feelings,” Erin said. “And it’s making you overthink things.”
“I’m overthinking like everything! It’s driving me nuts, no joke,” I sighed. “There’s a part of me that misses the days when you had someone circle whether they liked you or not in your notebook.”
“Like middle school?” she laughed. “And you’re too embarrassed to go knock on his door?”
“Okay, okay, I’m crazy, I get it,” I said. “But I don’t know. You really hit the nail on the head when you said I might have feelings for him. I’m like already planning the wedding.”
“Slow down there a little,” Erin said. “I know I’m no shining example of taking my time with a relationship, but hey, it might be smart to get to know him a little more before you walk down the aisle.”
“I know. I mean, in my head I know, but when it comes to what we’re actually doing, it’s hard for me to calm down. I want it all, and I want it right now,” I laughed. “But it was just the other day when he said that he didn’t want to rush into things, so I guess it would be smart to just kind of roll with what we’re doing right now, huh?”
“Roll all you want. Roll and romp and get to know him. There’s no deadline to this, you know?” Erin said. “I don’t want to see you get so excited about this that you suffocate it before it has time to take root. I only say this because of what happened with your last relationship.”
“I know,” I admitted. “But also, Gavin is a lot different from anyone else I have ever been with. He’s so levelheaded and he thinks things through, and he really cares about me, you know?”
“I know the feeling,” she said with a grin. “I’m happy for you, girl, you know that.”
“I know,” I said. “And I’m happy. Like, for the first time in as long as I can remember, I feel like I’m making good progress in my life. I don’t know where this relationship is going this early on, but I’m excited. I’m excited to see where I’m going to be a year from now or two years.”
“Same here,” she said. “I really hope this works out for the both of you. I’m so happy with life now, I want the same for everyone I love.”
I giggled. “Well, I’m not sure if I’m ready to have two kids in tow, but I want to get married one day. I want that security in my life. And I want it with someone who excites me the way he does.”
“Again, there’s no rush on that. Just see where it goes. You don’t have to have a deadline for relationships like you do with your music. You know that right?” she asked.
“True,” I said. “I guess I’m used to needing to have my demos in at certain times, I tend to put pressure on all the things I love in life.”
Suddenly, Erin giggled. At first, I thought she was laughing at something Connor was doing, but she pointed to the screen.
“What?” I asked.
“You have company,” she said. “Who is that behind you?”
“Behind me?” I turned to look and was surprised to see Gavin was standing at the doorway to my courtyard. I hadn’t heard him open the gate, and I was a little startled with him showing up there.
“Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t want to interrupt your conversation.”
“It’s okay,” I said as I put my hand over my heart. “Just a little jumpy after the other day.”
The truth was, he startled me because I wasn’t sure how much of the conversation he’d heard, and I didn’t want him to know that I already had said the word ‘marriage’ to someone. But he didn’t seem to have heard as he came forward and I introduced him to Erin.
“My best friend who was up here the other day,” I said. “Erin, this is Gavin. Oh, and that’s Connor, her little boy.”
“Nice to meet you both,” Gavin said to her.
“Nice to meet you, too,” Erin replied with a smile. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Should I be worried?” he asked.
She laughed. “No. My dad and my husband are both SEALs. That’s a plus in my book.”
“Phew,” he said with an exaggerated swipe of his hand on his forehead. “I knew I signed up for some reason.”
