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When I lose sight of Margot because she’s surrounded by her three men, Yulian, Felix and Maxim, my heart sinks.
Would any man, or any person, give everything up for me? These guys gave up their profession. I don’t understand why, or if they’ll honor their word since they gave it to a woman.
I want to vomit. Not all families devalue women so much. My trips to the hair salon have helped me see that. They’ve helped me with a lot of things, which is how I’ve prepared myself for my eventual escape.
If my amazing kidnapping negotiation doesn’t pan out, I’m leaving—going fully out on my own. It’s a risk, but I can’t live a life dictated by someone else. I have to be me. And if I can navigate the outside world, maybe I can save my sisters and cousins and other women in the Bratva.
I tamp down my desire for a normal family, for a man who will put his arm around me, a man like Erik who’s just tall enough that he could lean down and give me gentle forehead kisses while pulling my body against his.
I want to feel cared for out of love, not controlled, not like I’m an elephant in the room, an inconvenient pest every time I want to do something. I want to be seen and sought like Bella with Jacob and Edward.
Margot’s baby squawks and my heart stutters, pulling me from the dangerous desire for connections.
I want a baby, but I don’t want a baby in this world that I live in. I have to get out. I could never bring a daughter up if she’s not going to have more rights than I do, and a son would only be groomed into the same mentality of all the men around me. I can’t do that until I make change.
Erik cautions me that my success could be fleeting. Even he doesn’t respect what I’ve done.
I get back in the driver’s seat and the men resume their places behind me.
“That’s amazing work, Lilia. I’m proud of you. And even if your father won’t say he is, he has to be. I know he’s cold and hard, but what you did is nothing short of amazing.” Does he mean it? Or is he placating me after his shitty comment?
Driving away from the happy family, I consider my own. “If my father wants me as his daughter, he’ll acknowledge what I’ve done for this family.”
Five
Erik
Liliadrivesusawayfrom the drop-off site and turns her speakerphone on. She explains to her father what she’s accomplished, and he calls her foolish. I can hear the waver in her voice and it kills me that this idiot can’t see what a gem he could have in his daughter. She’s pure genius, and not just in making plans but in taking action, an impressive combination that she’s developed on her own.
Why can’t he see that every time she undermines a bodyguard, she’s showing her skills?
Her words linger in my mind. “If my father wants me as his daughter, he’ll acknowledge what I’ve done for this family.”
Is she considering leaving?
She rips her phone out of the holder and throws it across the SUV. She had to have known he wasn’t going to change his mind. Then again…to be cocky and nineteen again, when you think you know everything and can change the world. The thing is, she just might be able to, so I damn sure need to get her on our side.
She pulls up to her house, but opts for the circle drive by the front door instead of the garage. She sits, both hands on the steering wheel while Igor and I glance at each other. What do we do? Both of us are new to the princess bodyguard thing.
She drops her head on her hands, and Igor says, “I’m going to go check the house and I’ve got to take a piss. You good with that?”
“Yep,” Lilia says, without lifting her head.
I wait until he’s out of the car. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry Pakhan is treating you that way.”
“He’ll fire you if I tell him you’re taking my side.”
“Do you want me fired?” I test the waters.
“I want everybody fired. I want to burn this place down.”
That’s it. She is pissed enough that this might work. I consider how fast to proceed. Another question affirming her stance, showing her that she’s supported, without sounding patronizing, is essential.
She continues, “You don’t have to pretend that you care.”
“I do—care. And if I come up with a thought on how to help you out, I’ll let you know.”
“Yeah, you’re going to help me out. You’re going to get me out of this mess because you assume I can’t do it myself. Why don’t you go ahead and get my door handle and coddle me like the fragile woman I am.”
