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He said my name when he came.
“You’re smothering me,” I say, even though my brain slaps at my mouth for uttering such nonsense. I do feel smothered, but in the best way. Like crawling under a weighted blanket at the end of a long and exhausting day.
His arms twitch and he takes a step back from me, clearing his throat.
“Alright,” he says, and I’m not sure to what he’s referring, but I let him step away and exit and shower alone. I remain under the spray, trying to build back some of my walls, trying to stack those bricks up one by one, but fuck if it isn’t hard.
Would it be so bad to let someone in?
My father’s voice echoes in my mind.“Never let someone know the real you, Diablo. That’s your greatest weakness.”
If what just happened is any indication, he’s right.
Oh shit.
* * *
I swear to god, if this place gets any more boring, I will rampage. This small house in the middle of nowhere is driving me insane. I glance out the windows and there’s nothing, just a lone cactus in the distance that seems to wave at me. It needs a friend too.
It didn’t help that I waved back before shoving my hand under my armpit and glancing around, making sure Skylar didn’t see what I just did. He’d probably overanalyze it and say something insightful that I don’t care about.
Or that would make the uncomfortable feeling come back.
I shake that thought away, crumpling it up and throwing it into the deepest recesses of my mind. It doesn’t work all that well because I want to do whatever that was with Skylar again. Andagain.
It didn’t help that after I exited the shower, he was waiting for me, the broom in hand. He reached out and slipped his fingers around mine, tugging me toward the mess in the kitchen and patiently showed me how to clean up my mess. His large body was behind mine, his lips whispering in my ear.
I swept it all up terribly, my arms shaking so badly that I wanted to chop them off. If only I had my saws with me, I would. Traitorous fuckers, showing Skylar exactly how I feel. Perhaps my mouth won’t be the reason my secrets are revealed, perhaps it will be my body instead. Just a piece of canvas with neon lights spread across them.
Look at me. Look!
And then it was over and Skylar stepped away. It’s like something broke in that moment because he’s back to ignoring me, remaining completely professional, as if that little thigh-fucking session in the shower never happened. As if he never whispered my name as he came, as if his hands never touched me possessively.
But they did. My ass still aches from earlier. I can feel it every time I move my legs.
Enough of this.
I force my thoughts elsewhere, dwelling on this won’t help me at all. What’s done is done. If he’s moved on, so will I. What happened meant nothing.
I shut my eyes to refocus my thoughts and when they open again, they swivel to the ceiling in the hallway where a small white string dangles above me.
Hmm, an attic. Might as well go explore, as there’s nothing else remotely exciting to do. I tried painting my Chaos Space Marines, but sitting down hurt, and to be honest, I suck at it anyways. That’s why I have Lex. He has far more patience than I do and a great eye for detail. Mine end up looking like a second grader painted them. They’re laughable, really. I’m going to burn them all to a crisp when I have access to a lighter.
I extend my arm up and my fingers brush the dangling rope, but I can’t get a good grip. “Damn me for being so small,” I curse and then jump up, trying to grab ahold of it, but it slips through my fingers like water.
I don’t want to ask him for help, but I need him to reach up and pull the damn thing down. I need to distract myself with something other than his large body and his whispered words.
“Skylar!” My voice cracks a little when I shout, and I sigh at the sound. I don’t know why my voice keeps doing that but it makes me sound ridiculous. Like a preteen boy. It’s very inconvenient when I want to sound threatening.
A moment later, Skylar appears at the end of the hallway, his eyes sliding across me, licking at my exposed skin and causing it to break out in goosebumps once more.
Ridiculous, like I said. Perhaps I should skin myself while I’m at it. Just leave my body a mass of muscle and bone. That way there’d be nothing to see, nothing to give my feelings away.
“Open this,” I command, pointing straight up and waggling my hand in desperation. I need to get away from him. Far, far away.
Fuck, I hope my dad catches Elio soon so I can get on with my life, so I can get back to normal. So I can stop feeling flayed wide open.
Skylar’s eyes peel off of me and move to the elusive dangling string.
