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In the silence Bailey recounted the moments that defined her relationship with her mother. The times she’d made her feel small and worthless. Punished her ruthlessly for some perceived slight against her father. But she also thought of the times when her mother had held her close, kissed her forehead, and told her she loved her. The memories were jumbled, chaotic, and bittersweet.
“Mama,” she said louder this time. “Mama, wake up.”
Bailey's mother stirred, her eyelids fluttering open.
"Mama," Bailey said softly, "I need to talk to you, can you wake up?"
Her mother's eyes met Bailey's, and there was a moment of recognition. "Bailey," she said weakly. "You were gone, but you came back."
Bailey couldn’t be sure if her mother was talking about today or the larger issue of her abandonment in previous years. Either way it didn’t matter. The time to hash those things out had passed.
“I’m here, Mama. Do you know what happened today?”
“They came,” she announced with a confused smile. “Did you see them? The men have returned.”
“The men,” Bailey grumbled. “Robert? Dean? James? Which men were here?”
“James,” she reported. “One of your father’s most faithful disciples. I haven’t seen him in so very long. How sweet of him to come.”
“You haven’t seen him because he’s a criminal and he worried about coming back here and getting arrested.”
“Hush,” her mother replied. “Don’t talk that way.”
“I know you’re confused right now. You’re in pain. But please remember how good things have been. There is peace. There is prosperity here. Cinderhill is a safe place to live now. Or it was without Dad’s men coming back and causing problems. I need to know what you said to them.”
“James is tired,” she whispered. “He has shown his faith and is ready to come home. They all are. It’s time for Cinderhill to become the place your father was creating. Enough time has been wasted. If not, the end will be near. Your father wrote them a letter. If they return and restore his land to the holy ways, I will be healed. My suffering will not be in vain.”
“You have a serious infection, Mama. The return of crazy men with dangerous ideas will not heal you. Dr. Murray has been clear about your prognosis without early intervention. Now if you want to ease your pain and try to get some care—”
“I will be healed. Upon their return; with the return of discipline and dutiful faith we will all be healed.”
“You told them they could come back? You and I have always agreed it was not time.”
“It’s time now,” she sighed. “Your father has prophesized it. He wants me free of this pain and suffering. He wants you to reform your ways or...”
“Or what, Mama? What will they do if I and other people here don’t submit to their will?”
“It will not be like last time,” her mother said, grinding her teeth. “Your father will return too. There will be no way to escape. No one arrested. Your father said he was too forgiving last time. He underestimated your fall from grace and all that would tumble with you. It won’t be tolerated this time.”
“And you’d have them kill me rather than face the truth that Dad is a fraud. You’d rather die in this bed than get the care you need? And all the joy and peace in Cinderhill that exists now means nothing to you?”
“Peace at what cost? Living like sinners might bring some temporary joy, but it will not bring salvation. Nothing you have done will save your soul. Only obedience and submission to your father’s will can do that. You’ve made mistakes, Bailey, but there is still time to fix them. Still time to save me.” Her eyes danced wildly. Desperately.
It hit Bailey in a new way. Her mother was afraid. Not loyal or devoted. Terrified. Her life was fading and only one thing could deliver her from death. Bailey was standing in the way of that.
“I know you’re scared, Mama. This is all very confusing and you’re hearing all this information and thinking it could save you. But your husband is not coming back. Your illness is not going away without medicine. And I will not allow those men to return and hurt anyone.”
“And what can you do?” Her mother bit out the words like the snapping of a venomous snake.
“Whatever I need to. I protected this place once, I’ll do it again.”
“You want me to die? That’s what you’ll be doing. Sentencing me to death. Throwing away salvation for your soul.”
“Mama, I love you. I know right now that will be hard for you to believe. But I spent a very long time trying to figure out what is true in this world. There are some days I question things. I need you to know I don’t question my love for you. You were not given a fair shot at life. Right from the beginning, it was all stacked against you. I think you did the best you could with what you had.”
“But you’ll let me die.”
Bailey had learned so much from Gloria and Carmen but nothing seemed to prepare her for this. The deep cutting words of her mother from her death bed. There was a very good chance her mother would die with hate in her heart for Bailey. Blame. Anger. No matter what words passed between them right now, unless Bailey completely acquiesced to the madness of her father, there would be no way to gain her mother’s love back.
