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He pauses, and his eyes dart to the backdoor. “I’ll come with you.”
Scrubbing my palms on my sweatpants, I retreat a step as he slowly makes his way down the stairs. I want to bounce with the nervous energy flooding my body, but I keep still because Kade will know something is wrong. He’ll probably guess it was because of something Dariel did, and the fracture between them will grow, and their relationship will shatter and break. Maybe forever.
Forgiving Dariel isn’t on the cards, but they are a family. I don’t want to be the thing that breaks them apart. “I’d like to be alone.”
He walks faster now, as if he thinks I’m going to run, never taking his eyes off me as he approaches. It’s only when he gets to the bottom that he blows out a heavy sigh and mutters under his breath. “For fuck’s sake, Dariel.”
I blink at him, pretending I don’t understand him. “Kade?”
“Two minutes. I’ll keep an eye on you through the monitor.” Walking past me, he heads to the back door, types five numbers in a keypad slow enough for me to follow along, and then shoves the door open. “Just don’t do anything you wouldn’t want me to see.”
Despite my need to be alone and the racing of my heart, a smile tugs at my mouth because I’ve always liked to have Kade watch me, and he knows it. “Like what?”
His gunmetal gray eyes heat to liquid silver before he wraps an arm around my waist and hauls me close before kissing me hard on the lips. “Go.”
It quietens a little of the buzzing. Just enough that I’m not so desperate to rush outside so I can breathe.
But not all. I push him away as I back up. “And Rylan? When are we going to talk about what we’re going to do about him?”
When he gives me a long look, I know he’s thinking about hauling me back into his arms. Instead, he takes a deliberate step back and turns to the kitchen. “I promised you something, angel, and I intend on delivering. Go get your fresh air.”
I watch him go. The need to escape outside to learn how to breathe hovers insistently over my head, but I’m remembering Kade’s promise to kill Rylan. For me.
I’d thought the words romantic then. Now I know differently. Now I see those words as the chain he’s wrapped around his neck, and if I let him follow through with his promise, he will choke himself with it.
And then I realize I’ve frozen. Again. My breath is coming in ragged pants, my palms are slick with more sweat, and I’m shivering as a chill invades my bones.
Outside. Go outside.
Now.
Stepping outside, I let the door slam shut behind me. The sky is hazy and gray. The last bit of light from the day peeks between clouds, hitting the leaves and creating shadows in the garden I fell in love with the moment I saw it.
It’s still the same overgrown tangle of weeds and grass, with bright pops of colorful plants almost buried under vines and weeds. Beautiful. Like someone left things to grow exactly how they wanted, and in the end, it’s created something no artist ever could. Wild and strange and perfectly imperfect. I hope Dariel, Kade, and Aden never clean it up.
There’s something about the wildness that calls to me in a way a pristine, manicured garden never could. And so, I wrap my arms around myself, inhale deeply, and tilt my head back as I focus on my breathing, letting the lush garden scents quiet my rising panic.
Somewhere out there, Rylan is planning all the ways he’s going to punish me.
If I weren’t so aware that one day, probably soon, Rylan will swoop down on all of us like a revenge-obsessed demon, I could let myself truly relax.
I draw in a deep breath through my nose, hold it in, and then release it through my mouth. Loud. Breathing in makes me dizzy, especially when I have my nose pointed up at the sky, but exhaling slowly clears the fog away. I like to imagine it leaving my body like wisps of black or gray shadows.
In and out.
The way I would when Rylan chained me to his wall and panic invaded my mind, choking me. I repeat the same pattern I’ve had years to practice.
In and out.
The same way I would breathe when I was with one of the packmates he’d give me to for the night, and I needed a quiet place to hide in my mind.
In and out.
“Angel!” Kade calls from inside.
Guess my time is up.
My breathing isn’t as steady as it should be, but it’s nearly there, and my palms aren’t sweaty anymore. I turn to yell at the wood-covered window that I want another five minutes when I feel it.
