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Things like putting me to bed, feeding me, holding me when I cry as I fall apart. Things that remind me how weak I am. How useless.
I want to do this on my own. Want to be strong enough to handle this without help.
And I know I can’t.
Ishould be working on a plan to kill Rylan.Ishould be doing anything and everything to kill him myself. Before Rylan killed Leo, no one had more of a reason to want him dead than I did.
After what he did to Aden… I should be running at him with two guns in my hand. Damn whether I survive it or not.
And yet itishard.
Everything feels harder each day, and I don’t know if it’s because they actually are, or because I’m being ground down by things, big and small.
Like how I’m going to clear this plate when I’m trying to swallow these eggs, but they don’t want to go down.
Why is everything so hard?
Defeated by breakfast, I put my fork down and turn to Aden. “Why does Dariel want to kill me?” If I can’t eat, I might as well get some answers to questions.
Aden pauses, eyes the last of his breakfast, and puts his fork down much sooner than he clearly wants to. “He doesn’t want to kill you.”
I stare at him, raising a brow as if to say,really?
Smiling faintly, he shakes his blond head. His hair is still damp from the shower, just as mine is. “It’s Dariel’s wolf. It isn’t because of anything you did.”
I exchange my plate with his. “Eat mine.”
“I made it for you.” He frowns.
“I’m not hungry, and you still are,” I say, picking up his fork and offering it to him. I barely touched my breakfast while he has a piece of bacon and three mouthfuls of eggs left. Here’s hoping this breakfast won’t defeat me. “Eat.”
“You sound like Kade.” A faint smile touches his lips as he reluctantly takes the fork from me and eats three big bites that clear roughly one-third of the plate.
I eye my scrambled eggs. When my throat closes up, I quietly sigh.
“His wolf was the most protective,” Aden says, lowering his fork to pick up his glass and drain the orange juice from it.
I haven’t touched my juice yet either; like my breakfast, it defeated me.
Aden looks a little less pale than he did before, stronger too. Every now and again, his muscles will bunch and tense under his gray sweats, as if he’s still fighting a quiet battle for his body with his wolf. He hasn’t needed me to grab his hand since we sat down to eat minutes before. Is he finding balance with his wolf? And if he can do it as a new wolf, why can’t Dariel find it with his beast?
“And then Monica died?” I ask.
Surprise tightens the corners of his amber eyes. It soon gives way to understanding. “Sam told you.”
I recall my brief conversation with the beautiful brunette waitress in the garden. It was just long enough to drive me crazy with curiosity about the woman who Kade, Aden, and Dariel had shared before me. A woman who played favorites. And a woman who died.
“A little,” I admit, dipping my head to fork up my eggs. “Sam told me you shared her.”
I don’t lift the fork to my mouth. Something about knowing there was a woman before me makes the thought of eating even more impossible. A woman who shared Aden’s bed. A woman who Kade would have slipped his arm around and drawn in for a hard kiss. And a woman who Dariel might have loved and not tried to kill.
A woman who is dead, and who I am insanely jealous of.
I realize Aden still hasn’t responded, so I peek up at him through my lashes until the fire roasting my heart scales down a couple of degrees.
A small, sad smile pulls on the corners of his mouth and darkens his amber eyes into a deep peat. A haunting smile. One that makes me want to crawl into his lap and steal his sorrow away.
“Something like that.”
