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I’m in a tender spot with this. I want to cry and thank Nonna. I also want to phone Joaquin to hear his voice and vow to him I want to be his. I also know I don’t have to make a choice right now. I sip my tea.
“Wait a second… I’m not sure if you can have tea.”
I place the cup down. Grandma rings her bell, and Pearl appears.
“I could’ve taken it to the kitchen.” I nearly hiss.
Nonna shushes me up as she instructs Pearl to remove the tea. Ugh, those are the things I wish Grandma could see aren’t necessary. I don’t like the idea of someone waiting on me.
“Here’s the really special thing. You have access to so much help, Nadia. I’m here in Evergreen, and Joaquin is a devoted Dad, and I know his family is devoted to each other. You don’t have to go on set to a foreign land or camp out in California deserts to film a movie. You can write and report from your sofa if you choose.”
“That really depends if I’m asked to go somewhere for an assignment. I’m writing a memoir now, but my passion is hard news that tugs at our heartstrings. I’ll have to see what the near future presents me. I can’t make a decision this fast. I found out hours ago, and something like this takes time. I’m surprised you never told me about the love of your life being here in Evergreen. You never spoke about this, and I think including it in your memoir is important. It adds complexity, makes you like many women who desire love and marriage.”
Grandma reaches for her tea and shrugs. “I understand. It hurts me a little. I think that’s why it’s a little painful to bring it up. I can’t rewind time and would never undo my relationship with your grandfather. But I do miss that love. It was so real, pure, and…raw. We were fully ourselves, and his eyes told me so much.”
“Do you know if he’s still in town? Is he still alive?”
“Oh, Nadia. I know your time here is to get to know every aspect of your Nonna’s life, but…this should be a time for you. I’m going to be a great-grandparent.”
For some reason, and perhaps it truly is because it’s so tender to her, Grandma doesn’t want to tell me anything about his whereabouts. I’m guessing he’s dead. Maybe one day she’ll take me by his gravesite, show me a picture of him or share one of his letters from him with me. Something.
“I know! It sounds so crazy that I’ll need a few days to process this. How do I come to Evergreen and meet some strange man who impregnates me and wants a life with me? My sole purpose is to write about your life and not try to live the life you desire.”
Wow, the words coming from my mouth have a lot of punch. The irony of it all. The sadness and all its layers. It’s truly overwhelming.
Nonna feels this truth too. She allows my head to rest on her shoulder. We both stare out at the misty evening. My eyes try their best to search for an equivalent spot amongst the outside greenery that reflects the array of green Joaquin showed me in his backyard. There’s not a patch from this angle that is remotely as abundant as Joaquin’s green pastures. I close my eyes and imagine I am there.
Chapter 16
Joaquin
“Dad…whatareyoudoing?”
I snap back into reality. Adam stands within the guest room’s door frame. He peers inside and tries to see what I’m looking at. He sees the guest bed, the side nightstands, the framed painting of the map of Evergreen that hangs above the bed, and the opened closet door.
“Are you trying to redo the room?”
“Huh?” I rub my eyes to completely release my imagination.
Adam has caught me in more daydreams this past week than ever. I don’t want to worry the kid. The only thing I worry about is Nadia backing out of our relationship, choosing to not be with me, with us, or not having the baby.
My heart burns when I think of it. I’m not secure in knowing this is what she wants. She hasn’t made it definitely clear.
“Are you trying to redo the room?” Adam asks his question again.
I slip my hands into my jean shorts’ pockets.
“Maybe. Just maybe.” I ruffle Adam’s hair.
“You’re about due a haircut.”
“You said you’d take me for a fresh haircut once school is out. It’s been three days since the last day, Dad.”
“Sorry, bud. Let’s go tomorrow morning, then.” I give him a high five, followed by a tight handshake to seal my promise.
I leave the guest room, which I imagine as Adam’s new room or the nursery. I can’t make up my mind. We don’t have many guests unless my rowdy nephews want a moment to escape their parents and stay up a bit later. But they’re getting older and can already do those things more and more. I totally have enough space for a new addition.
“But, until then… let’s go pick up Nadia. She’s coming to Grandma’s and Grandpa’s for dinner.”
