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And, to top it all off, I’m residing in the same town as my old flame, who is so much hotter now than he has any right to be. The hits just keep on coming, don’t they? And the feelings…they certainly came on quick and now refuse to slow down at all.
As I get out of bed and start my day, my mind lingers on possibilities. What if I told him how much I’m yearning for him? That I’m sorry for my youthful ignorance, and regret having ever pushed him aside for the sake of ambition, and hey isn’t it a coincidence that we both found ourselves in this backwater hick town?
Would he even give me the time of day? I don’t know. Is money and influence enough to make up for emotional damage? I stare at my reflection in the mirror, trying to take in the irony of the question. Was it enough for me?
I comb back my hair and steel myself for yet another day of small town indignity. As I make my way to the dining room, the little runt named Amelia walks past me with her mother, on their way to school. She looks up at me and makes a face of disgust, sticking her tongue out at me.
“Good morning to you too,” I say gruffly.
Emily looks between us and shakes her head at Amelia. “Honey, be nice to our guest.” But her heart obviously isn’t in the admonishment.
Amelia rolls her eyes and drags her mother the rest of the way to the door. They leave, and now it’s just Gorlag and myself. He welcomes me to breakfast, gesturing for me to take a seat in a motion of southern hospitality.
It’s still strange seeing him like this. I’m not sure if I’ll ever get used to the new and supposedly improved Gorlag. Still, I may be able to take advantage of this more emotionally intelligent friend of mine. He has more experience in navigating tricky relationships, after all. Over poached eggs and toast, I manage to convince myself it may be in my best interest to open up to him.
“Gorlag, friend, I have something weighing on my mind,” I finally confess as I place my fork neatly on my plate.
“I can tell,” he replies, looking at me from over his phone. “You’ve been quiet since last night. Does this have to do with that Bradford guy?”
“Bradford,” I say curtly.
Gorlag nods. “Yes, Bradford. Are you having trouble with him?”
I shake my head slightly. “Not with him, no. About him. I can’t seem to get him out of my mind.”
“Hah!” Gorlag laughs and sets his phone down, despite the numerous dings requesting his immediate attention. How does he manage to ignore his work so easily now? I would kill to be able to know what’s going on, how my company is faring without me. I’m worried it’s going to crash and burn, even as my staff assure me they have it all under control.
But my brain won’t let me linger on those troubles for too long. Not when Bradford is occupying so much space in there. “I fail to see the humor in my plight,” I say quietly.
Gorlag shakes his head and smiles. “I knew you were an idiot for rejecting that guy years ago. I don’t even like men, andIcould even tell he was too hot for you.”
I lean back and frown at my so-called friend’s audacity. “Thanks,” I say with venom.
“I’m just saying.” Gorlag shrugs. “A catch is a catch. You shouldn’t have thrown him back in the river back then.”
I quirk an eyebrow. “Gorlag, are you using fishing metaphors right now?” I ask in disgust.
“Maybe. What about it?” Gorlag asks, challenging me. At least some things don’t change.
“This place has destroyed your vocabulary. Anyway, I was hoping you’d have some sort of advice for me, but if you’re just going to rehash all of my worst mistakes, then I’ll—”
Gorlag stops me from getting out of my chair. “Okay, alright, but you know I had to crack your horns at least a little.”
I sigh heavily. I guess after all these years of making each other’s lives hell I did deserve it.
“Regardless, it won’t do you any good sitting around and moping about what ifs and maybes. The only way you’re gonna know if you have a chance together again is to just go talk to him.”
“But should I?” I finally ask. Therein is the question.
“Why not? You’ve never been shy about your sexuality before. What’s the issue now?” Gorlag asks. Truly, the world’s foremost ally.
“It’s not that. It’s never been that,” I state firmly. I never felt that I needed to hide who I really was. “Attachment is weakness. That’s all.”
Gorlag shakes his head and looks at me with actual pity on his face. “Refusing yourself a chance at happiness is weak. And I speak from experience, old friend.”
I fold my arms and consider Gorlag’s words. I suppose he would know about chasing happiness. He certainly chased it all the way down here to Green Haven. And though I still don’t understand him, I can see for myself that he’s more genuinely happy now than he’s ever been before.
Maybe Gorlag is on to something here. So, keeping his words of wisdom in mind, I decide to attend Bradford’s event tonight. I can mix and mingle with the best of them in Atlanta, why couldn’t I work this crowd just as well? I put on my slickest suit and talk myself up. When I arrive, I’ll steal the spotlight. I’ll be the hottest, most influential person in the whole damn room. Then Bradford won’t be able to help but come talk to me.
