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I don’t believe what I’m hearing.
“But…”
Ah, the catch—not that any of this matters, not with me hours from having no future whatsoever.
“There is a bigger problem for you and Lise—and I’m not talking about your legal troubles.”
I blink over.
“Faith. As much as neither she nor I are fans of her recent choices, I can tell you this: my sister has a strong faith that’s fundamental to who she is. The man for her will have to share that foundation. Period. And that’s my real concern when it comes to the two of you. Frankly, it’s a dealbreaker.”
I want to slug the confidence right off his face. Always so sure of himself.
And, yes, annoyingly right a ridiculously high percentage of the time. “So I’m supposed to wrap myself up in religion so that she can be with me?”
One, I don’t know why I’m continuing this moot line of conversation, and two, I know my former partner well enough to know this is not what he’s saying. I have in fact been listening to his proselytizing these last months, plus, I’m not as much of a heathen as I’ve led him to believe.
“You know,” I say, “this whole faith thing isn’t exactly new to me. Mom dragged us kids to church every Sunday, and if you must know, I was the devout one in the bunch.”
“No kidding.” Tripp leans on his elbows. “What happened?”
Across the street, Mrs. Griffith is giving the news crew an earful. My guess is they’ve heard it all before. I shrug. “I don’t know. I got older. Honestly, some of it seemed pretty dry. And I guess…there were things I wanted to do.” In a nutshell, I wanted to be boss. From there, the drift was automatic.
Tripp chuckles. “You know one thing I like about you, Gonzalez? Your honesty. I think what you just described pretty well encapsulates the nature of sin. I feel you, man. Wanting my own way, in my own time. It’s a daily struggle. But every time I throw caution to the wind and go it alone, I get burned. Sometimes it takes a while, but me being headstrong never ends well.”
“What are you talking about? You’ve been living right as long as I’ve known you.” Compared to the rest of us anyway.
“Not as much as you might think.”
“Dude, you do know what the guys call you behind your back?”
“Saint?” He shakes his head. “That’s just bizarre.” He zooms in on me. “But here’s the thing: I might have looked like a saint compared to you fooler-arounders, but it isn’t just about living right. It’s a heart thing, and in my heart, I was a million miles away. Despite everything God said about me being a new creature, I’d bought into the idea that I was forever tainted. Less than. And rejecting what God says about you is as much a sin as anything else. But that’s what I did, and it put a wall up, and I probably kept it there because it was easier that way. Kind of a built-in excuse for stuff. Sure made doing my job easier.”
“The job…” I drag my hand across my mouth
“Been getting to you?”
“I hadn’t realized it, but…yeah. I…I feel so gross sometimes.”
Tripp nods. “Well, sin does that, but yeah, the job doesn’t help.”
So I could say a few prayers. Even quit my job, but…My throat scratches out what I’ve been afraid to utter. “What if…what if I am guilty, Tripp? What then?”
He props his elbow on the seat back. “You talking about Anderson now?”
I nod. I know I’m guilty of the rest. Between my molars, my cheek is bloody.
“Do you believe you are or are you playing what ifs?”
Tripp cuts to the chase pretty well himself. “I was fried that night, man. The shootout that morning, on the heels of about the most pins and needles week I’ve ever worked. Was I looking for trouble? A little trigger happy? Angry?” I clasp my hands behind my neck and tilt to the sky. “Maybe.”
I know he’s sympathetic. He’s been there. “I don’t know, man. You’re the only one who does—and possibly not even you. Things like that, moments like that, they blur. Sure doesn’t seem fair though that you put your life on the line and then get railroaded for trying to defend it.”
My heart jumps in eager agreement.
“What I do know is that you’re a darn good agent and the coolest head around. If you say Anderson called your name, I believe you.”
My lip twitches. “Never a doubt, huh?”
