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“What’s this?” I ask him.
“This could be just what you need to find what you’re looking for. Depending on what that might be.”
I eye the simple little card critically. “Ummm. How exactly will it do that?”
He nods towards the card in my hand. “That card has the information on a special agency. An agency that will find you whatever you dream of. All you have to do is look inside yourself, deep inside yourself, and figure out what it is that you need.”
My brow lifts and I chuckle. “You know you sound like a reality show host right?”
He rolls his eyes and groans. “Yeah. I heard it as I said it. But it doesn’t mean that it’s not true.” He pauses. “You know what I like, right?”
I nod my head. Reid isn’t exactly hiding the fact that he likes younger women that like an older man in charge of them. A man that wants to have it all on his terms. He’s domineering and there’s no secret there.
“Yeah. I know.”
“I was given that card by a friend. And that’s where I found Kate. She fulfills every single desire that I’ve ever had. That agency knows what they’re doing. As long as you don’t lie to yourself about what you want.”
“I know what I want. I just can’t seem to find it. Most women around here are like Selina.”
“So use that card. Tell them what you’re looking for. I guarantee that it will be the best thing you’ve ever done for yourself.”
Kate comes up behind him and lifts up on her toes to kiss his cheek. Then she steps behind him and waits.
Reid smiles at me and then turns to Kate, taking her arm and leading her out of the gym.
I study that little black card like it holds the answers of the universe. And maybe for me it does.
That’s why I find myself online later that night, picturing my perfect woman and filling out what I’m looking for. Hoping that maybe this time, I’ll find what I need. I’m 36, alone and lonely. I need this.
CHAPTER2
Bitty
Just another night alone. Another night sitting in the dorm, listening to the sounds of another party with a bunch of drunk college kids too immature to realize that it’s not really as fun as they think it is. It’s dangerous. And I should know.
I shiver when I think about two weeks ago. I push it out of my head and then get up to make sure that the door is locked. I hear loud steps in the hallway and back away from the door. They go past and I sag in relief. I can’t wait to get out of this place. Two more months and I can graduate early.
It feels like a lifetime. I sit back down at my computer and finish filling out the form that I was given by my therapist. I told her that I needed something but I can’t find it here. It’s so odd feeling left out all the time. I don’t have any friends. Don’t go anywhere, don’t do anything and I sure as hell don’t want anything to do with these guys. That way lies disaster of epic proportions.
I need something else. I feel like I can’t breathe all the time. Can’t think. Since…well, since the incident, it’s gotten worse. I’m lonely and tired because I can’t sleep at night. I lie awake and stare at my door, hoping that nobody comes to find me. Comes to…I close my eyes again and feel tension pushing, rising up in my body. Soon, it will be time to go to bed again. And I can’t. I just can’t close my eyes. My therapist suggested sleep aids.
I shiver. There’s no way in hell I can let myself be that vulnerable ever again. Not here. Not now. Not ever. And in our last session, another strange idea was brought up.
She sighs and studies me carefully. “Bitty…what is it that you want me to tell you? That you should get out there and try to meet one of those guys that terrify you? I won’t say that. I don’t think it’s what you need anyway. My question for you is what do you need? Do you know? Because if you do…and if you’re ready to try and find it, I can help you. I know this agency. The person that runs it is a friend of mine. I could ask them for a favor. But you’re young and you might not know exactly what it is you want. You might not want to get involved with someone. You might think it’s okay to be this lonely all the time.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to be like this. But I don’t feel like I belong here. I hate these people. Hate how they make me feel.”
“Technically, you should work on yourself not other people and not trying to find someone to take over, take away your choice. But I get the feeling that that’s what you want?”
I sigh and close my eyes and when I open them, tears spill down my cheeks. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I should want to have control of my own life but I feel like I’m suffocating under all these choices. Feel like I can’t breathe, can’t think. It’s killing me.”
She stands in front of my chair and then squats down so that she can look me right in the eyes. “Bitty. Some people need different things. They’re better alone. They like solitude.”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t need that. I want somebody. I want somebody to help me.”
“Here.” She hands me a card and then pats my knee. “I didn’t really want to do this. I still think that you should work on yourself. But if you use that card, make sure that you know what you want. That card is an invitation to find whatever you most desire but it comes with restrictions if you change your mind.”
“What restrictions?” I ask, cocking my head and studying the plain black card with cold script.
