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Thanks to the money I made at both my jobs, Fawn kept her apartment, and I paid out of pocket to get her help with her depression, due to her lack of insurance. She went to a doctor, got a prescription. Things looked up again. The medication helped her, and she found a new job. A different boyfriend. A year later, she spiraled once more.
Her boyfriend broke up with her. The men she chose didn’t help her. They were scum, shitty men who didn’t treat her well. She stopped taking her medication. Stopped going to work so the insurance she gained from her employment was gone yet again. I tried, begged, to get her to go see a therapist. She refused, insisted she was fine. She wasn’t, and I will always blame myself for her attempt on her life.
She’d come over to talk to me. Fawn had a key to my place like I had one to hers. I tried to get her to move in with me before that. She didn’t want to give up what she had. I knew I shouldn’t have kept paying for her tiny place, but she was my sister. We lived in hell for so long. I wanted to be able to do something nice for her. Looking back, I wasn’t doing what I should have.
I called 911 that night while I held my sister’s limp hand, hoping it wasn’t too late. They told me if another half hour would have passed, I might have lost her.
Fawn was twenty-three now. I was four years older than her. I should have known better. Done better. I wondered if the fear of almost losing her would ever dissipate.
“Fawn?” I called when I unlocked and opened the door.
Our apartment was a good size, with two bedrooms and two bathrooms. We lived on the border of East Dremest, but still in West Dremest. The creek that separated the two sides of the city was next to our building. So close that with enough rain or melting snow, it could flood. Thankfully, we were on the second floor and hadn’t seen any floods since we moved in. It was also how I was able to afford a bigger place. It was cheaper—given it was prone to flooding—and with me working two jobs, I could cover both of our bills with money to spare.
“Here,” she replied from the kitchen.
I dropped my keys in the bowl on the small table near the door and hung my bag on the hook along with my coat. Fawn was at the counter mixing something with her hands. I peered over her shoulder. She was six inches shorter than me. “What are you making?”
“A new meatloaf recipe Josh’s mom told me about. I had it at their house over the weekend and wanted you to try it.”
“Sounds good.”
Seeing Fawn smile made me happy. Her cheeks had a nice pink hue to them, her smile was genuine. And Josh was good for her. Not a piece of shit like the other guys she dated. Josh and Fawn had only been together about six months. I could see they were serious. It made me nervous at first. I knew what happened when Fawn had her heart broken. And that heart of hers was so fragile. But Josh came along like he’d always been meant for her. Even his parents treated her like part of their family.
He knew about her past struggles, about her attempt to take her life. Fawn was open with him. If she had a day where she wasn’t feeling great, she let him know. It was healthy. A good, solid relationship where he supported and helped her as much as he could.
That didn’t mean when I came in the door, I didn’t worry. I had a feeling I always would where Fawn was concerned.
“How was work with Perry and Peyton?” she asked.
I slipped off my tie. When I first started working at PJS I had exactly two suits. I would alternate them, wash them, even though I wasn’t supposed to since I couldn’t afford dry cleaning with covering me and Fawn. Now I had seven nice suits. Ones I saved to buy. They looked tailored to me but that was thanks to Fawn. She was skilled with a needle and thread. I wouldn’t admit it to her, but I’d bought a couple of my suits a little too big so she could work her magic.
“Good. Awkward,” I replied. In truth, I worried how it would play out with the three of us working as closely as we did. If other people who worked there heard, they could raise a lot of concerns about me sleeping with my boss, who also happened to be the owner.
I’d thought about going full time with Dexen for a while but didn’t want to leave Perry. The more I thought about it, how much I loved dancing, it made sense, especially with me being intimate with my boss. Me leaving to dance would preserve what Perry had with his company, keep things status quo. Well, Peyton was still there, but I didn’t think anything short of death would remove him from his role as Perry’s bodyguard. Plus, Peyton didn’t work for PJS. He was employed directly by Perry.
It would be hard not being there for Perry like I currently was. However, if it meant I’d be happier, and Perry wouldn’t have to worry about issues with us being together, it would be worth it. Not that we were together. I was simply thinking ahead.
Fawn grinned, peering over her shoulder at me. I had told her this morning I hooked up with both Perry and Peyton last night. It was too early to go into details, and she was my sister. She only got so many to begin with.
“Did Perry hide in his office all day?”
I laughed. “No, but he couldn’t meet our eyes. And he blushed. I couldn’t believe it.” I didn’t ever remember seeing a blush creep up his cheeks.
“Oh my god, you’re ruining that man.” Fawn had met Perry once and she instantly liked him. Perry was his charming self, not the quick to yell man I usually got in the office, though it wasn’t directed at me.
“In the best way.” I winked and left the kitchen. I wanted out of this suit and into my sweats. I didn’t have to dance tonight, and I’d gotten out of work at a decent hour. I needed to spend quality time with my sister.
We sat together and watched TV while dinner cooked in the oven. Fawn wasn’t working. She had applied for Social Security disability and had been denied in the past. After her attempt on her life, her doctor filled out more paperwork and with the documentation from the in-patient facility, we appealed the case and got in front of a judge. We even had a lawyer who didn’t take money from us unless Fawn won. She did, thankfully.
It was a weight off our shoulders. Not in the monetary sense. I’d work three jobs if it meant she was cared for. The stress of finding and keeping a job didn’t weigh on her now. She didn’t have to worry about pleasing her boss, doing everything right so she didn’t get fired. Fawn was finding things she enjoyed doing instead. Focusing on herself, which was important.
Depression was awful. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Watching my sister struggle like she had, I felt helpless so many times.
I slung my arm around Fawn’s shoulders where we sat on the couch. “I’m glad you’re happy.”
“Thanks. I’m glad I’m happy too.” She poked me in the side to tickle me. “And I’m glad you’re finally getting what you want.”
I laughed and squirmed away. “And what’s that?”
