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PROLOGUE
XAIDEN
They said time healed all wounds.
That broken hearts could be mended.
That there was no sense in dwelling on the past.
Whoever made that shit up didn’t know what it was like to love like I had.
I’d lived on this earth for thirty-one more years and counting than the woman I’d loved had. She was stripped from me, from her family and friends, at the young age of eighteen. Sasha was smart and kind. She would stop in the road for a chipmunk or a bird, even if the cars behind her were beeping their horns to get her to move.
Why did it have to be her who was murdered that day and not me?
Life changed for me after I lost her. I didn’t know how to process my feelings. I was young, in so much pain I was drowning in it. I left to become an underground fighter instead of properly dealing with what I was going through. I didn’t go to college. Didn’t listen to my parents when they tried to stop me.
A manager spotted me during one of those fights, said I had talent. He brought me into his fold and taught me to fight professionally. I went through the motions. Fought. Won. I was hurt more times than I could count but was numb to it. Eventually, I got word from Sasha’s brother the piece of shit who killed her was murdered in prison.
That was when I went home.
When I gave up fighting.
When I cried so hard, I needed my parents and brother to hold me up.
My dad already had a plan to open a gym. He changed the design to make it more. To make it a place I could thrive, where I could channel my pain safely. I now owned the gym. I’d taught countless others how to protect themselves, so they didn’t get hurt or end up worse, like Sasha.
It did help. My pain lessened but I wasn’t sure if it would ever truly be gone.
My parents looked at me with sad eyes. My brother thankfully didn’t, but I saw his concern for me. He loved me and would do anything to make me smile. The feeling was mutual.
My friends, well, they didn’t know about my past. I never opened up to them. I didn’t speak Sasha’s name anymore. I had to take out a picture of her just to remember what she looked like. Her appearance, her scent, her voice, it was a whisper on the wind. I couldn’t hold on to it any longer. Maybe it was for the best.
I’d like to say I’d tried to move on, but that would be a lie. When I felt the need to have sex, I found a woman to bury myself in. One who knew the score and understood I wasn’t there for more than a quick fuck.
But lately… lately there was a new kind of ache in my chest. A desire to have what my brother did, what my friends did.
My brother, Dexen, was happy in love with two men. They were great. Hell, I’d known Greer for a long time. JJ I knew from when he dated my brother the first time.
Then there was Peyton, Greer’s brother. He was in a committed relationship with two men as well. Dominic was the star dancer at my brother’s exclusive club, Untouchable. Perry, or Junior as my family called him, was a hell of a businessman, rivaling my brother.
They were happy. All of them. I was thrilled for them, I really was.
The ache though, it made its presence known every time I saw them with their partners. I’d gone for so long without letting anyone in for fear I’d lose them too. The thought of trying, of allowing another to get to know who I really was, scared the hell out of me.
Maybe if I met someone who stood out, I could try to have a relationship again.
Maybe I didn’t have to be alone.
Or maybe I’d chicken out and keep living like a hermit, as my brother liked to tease me. I worked and went home. I stayed in my house on my off time unless the silence got to be too much.
There could be someone out there meant to be mine. Hell, there could be two of them since it was the growing trend with the people in my life.
I could put myself out there. Take the leap.
I swallowed around the lump forming in my throat. My hands shook and sweat formed on my brow.
The leap could wait until tomorrow.
