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Xaiden nodded. “Okay.”
Emotions brewed in Xaiden’s eyes, dancing by so fast I wasn’t able to name them. One thing was clear though. There was a lot going on inside Xaiden. A lot Corbin and I didn’t understand. Corbin calmed him though. Gave him the gentle touch he needed. I wondered what his hand would feel like on my arm. Would it help when my past crept up on me and I wanted to break shit from being so mad over what I had lived through for years?
I didn’t need to wonder long, because Corbin was in front of me, his eyes the color of chocolate searching mine. A gentle hand sat on my shoulder and slid down to my bicep. “Are you okay, Val?”
Why did his touch feel so good? Why was his voice like a balm to my soul? Was it the doctor in him? The man had to have a great bedside manner to deal with patients all day.
I nodded. “I’m good.”
“Do you want to come outside with us?”
I swallowed and nodded again. What the fuck was wrong with me? I didn’t lose my words. If anything, I had something to say all the time. Yet, faced with Corbin and the concern he had for me, my thoughts fled, and I latched on to the way he affected me.
Instead of analyzing what was going on in my head, I went out the sliding door with Corbin behind me and focused on the smack in the face with nature I got. The same slate that was along the front walkway opened to a beautiful patio out back. There was a built-in stone firepit Xaiden was adding wood to and doing whatever it was one did when they started a fire. I wasn’t a Boy Scout. I didn’t know anything about this shit. If someone dropped my ass off in the woods, I would likely perish in record time.
Trees towered high around us, not making me feel closed in, but like I was part of something greater. I felt small which was odd, considering I lived in the city where there were buildings easily taller than me. A grassy yard spread out beyond the stone and flowed out into the trees.
“Do you see a lot of deer out here?” I asked. I remembered seeing them when I lived with my parents. Not that I spent time enjoying nature then. I was too busy trying to stay away from my father.
“Some,” Xaiden responded without taking his attention off his task. “There’s a bear who wanders through here every now and then.”
“Bear?” I squeaked. I’d sooner go up against JJ’s father than face a fucking bear. Deer were fine. A bear was a hard pass.
“He doesn’t bother you if you don’t bother him. He’s pretty easy to scare off but I just leave him be. I make sure my garbage is closed tight and I don’t leave birdseed out or anything like that. He usually just walks through. There’s a creek not far from here. I think he heads down there to get a drink.”
Corbin took a seat on one of the stone benches that surrounded the firepit. They blended in with the scenery. Everything felt like it belonged. The house, the backyard, it was designed to complement the surrounding area, not look out of place.
With the fire going, Xaiden faced us. “Would you like something to drink? I have IPA and wine.”
“Water is fine with me,” Corbin said.
“Ditto,” I replied. Xaiden obviously wasn’t comfortable with us in his house. The last thing I needed to do was get drunk and not be able to drive, forcing me to pass out here for the night. He probably wouldn’t sleep if that were the case.
Xaiden returned with bottles of water.
“Thank you,” Corbin said.
“Thanks,” I muttered.
We sat around the fire, and it was awkward as fuck. Even for Xaiden and he lived here. His eyebrows were drawn together, his gaze on the fire. He opened his mouth a few times though nothing came out. He was working through something. He’d speak when he was ready.
6
XAIDEN
This was a mess. There was no better way to describe it. I had invited two men to my home in hopes of creating a bond with them, a friendship. Two people who hadn’t known me for years. Who hadn’t seen me at my worst, like my family. Who didn’t look at me like a badass as my other friends did. Corbin and Val were people I could start fresh with. Yet here I was making an ass out of myself because I didn’t know how to be a human and have others in my home who weren’t related to me or here to fix shit.
They were staring at the fire between us as if it held all the answers in the world. Or the answer to this epic level of awkwardness.
I wasn’t social. I liked being alone for the most part, seeking Dexen out when the quiet got to be too much. He had partners now. Men he shared his life and home with. I couldn’t drop in there anymore and sleep in the spare bedroom. Though he would tell me I could. They all would. It wasn’t the same now that they lived with my brother.
Corbin and Val wouldn’t judge me. Hell, everyone had baggage. Why couldn’t I hold a conversation with them?
Val glanced up, his eyes meeting mine. He seemed as uncertain as I was. Why I had pulled him away from JJ when we left was anyone’s guess. It could have been because JJ treated Val like a child. I understood they had a brotherly bond without being blood related. JJ could be completely different when he and Val were alone. From what I’d seen, Val cared for JJ but didn’t like constantly being shoved into the sibling role. Like he wasn’t equal or something. So, when JJ pulled him in and started with that shit again, I had to bring Val back to my side. He wasn’t a child. He was a man and should be treated as such.
Dropping my eyes, I couldn’t hold Val’s stare any longer. I was uneasy and didn’t like it. I was certain with so much of my life. I had my days scheduled so I knew where I needed to be and when. On top of running the gym, my parents had me helping with the other businesses they owned on First Street. They didn’t need to tell me. I could guess it was their way of easing me into owning them one day. Those businesses would go to me when my parents retired for good or passed. Others would go to Dexen. Lately, I thought they were trying to slowly hand them over. At least with me. No way could my brother take on managing a chain of car dealerships while juggling the businesses he already had. When the time came for him to take those and the farm over, he’d make certain the right people were in place, so he didn’t have to spend time doing daily work at either one.
I got brave and lifted my gaze to see what Corbin was doing. He was focused on the fire while spinning the little plastic ring under the cap of the water bottle from the broken seal. He must have known I was freaked out before. A simple touch on my arm was all it took to calm some of the nerves firing through me. I chalked it up to him being a doctor, but the more I sat here and thought about it, the more I wasn’t sure. The way it felt with his skin touching mine, I couldn’t describe it, other than to say I wanted to feel it again. Was it the calm I was chasing or the touch of another?
