AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’m bisexual,” Corbin said suddenly shocking me. Not over that he was but how he blurted it out.
“Liking dick is hot,” Val said, lifting the mood. “Welcome to the club.”
“Thanks.” Corbin’s blush wasn’t able to be concealed.
“Is it new or have you always known?” Val asked.
“I’ve known but never did anything about it. I worked so hard to get to where I am in my career. Then I met Pia, and she was all I saw. Now I’m hoping to venture out there and see what it’s like to be with a man.”
“If you ever want to practice…” Val motioned down his body.
Corbin went red. Not a faint pink or just a tinge on his cheeks. “I’m not going to practice on you.”
“Why not?” Val sat up and crossed his arms. “I’m not hot enough for you? Too small?”
Corbin reared back like he’d been hit. “No! Nothing like that. I actually think you’re very attractive.”
“Then what is it?”
He ducked his head and stared down at his hands on his lap. “I wouldn’t want to use you like that. I don’t want a fling or to experiment. I want a relationship. I want something…”
“Real,” I finished for him.
“Yeah.”
I understood. If he wanted to see what it was like to be with a man, he wanted to do it in a way he could feel like he was building something, working toward a relationship. Not simply fucking around.
Val sighed. “Fine. I want something real too. That’s my next getting to know you whatever. I want what Jay and the others have. I want someone to get all growly and protective over me. I want to be possessed, but not in the way where I’m treated like an object. I just want to know someone cares about me so much they have to keep me near them. I want that soul-deep pull.”
“You’ll find it,” I told him. I wasn’t sure how I knew, though I did. I felt it. “Do you want one or two men? You said you wanted what JJ has.” This was sheer curiosity on my part. Plus, what the hell else was I going to ask when he confessed that?
“Is it considered greedy if I say two? I’d love one but I’d definitely be open to two. After witnessing Jay, Greer, and Dex, I see how well it can work.”
His gaze kept bouncing between Corbin and me. Was he implying he wanted us with the way he was watching us both? Corbin would obviously be interested but me… I was straight. Men hadn’t caught my attention before; however, I did see the appeal in Corbin and Val. I noticed them at the party. Getting to know them better helped me form an attachment to them. In friendship, right? I wasn’t the type to rule anything out. I knew better. Life threw curveballs all the time. But Val and Corbin… Fuck, I was losing my damn mind thinking this shit.
“Xaiden, you’re up.”
“It was my fault.” That was subtle and completely not what I should have said. I was trying to get my mind off the men in front of me, and it went back to my guilt over Sasha.
“What was?” Corbin asked.
I got up and walked to the edge of the patio where it met the grass, so I could look at the trees and not at the faces of the men who I was about to unload on. “Sasha. She was in my truck, waiting for me. We were at a gas station. I went inside to pay and saw one of the kids I knew from school was working. I chatted with him after I handed him money. While I was in there paying and talking, a guy who was high saw my truck and thought he could steal it. He got in, but Sasha was there. I’m not sure exactly what happened. They were the only two out there. This was a long time ago. The gas station didn’t even have cameras outside. Crime wasn’t bad. She obviously struggled against him. He was bruised and scratched. They fought and he ended up putting his hands on her throat.”
Everything faded away. The fire. The night air. Corbin. Val. I was transported to when I lost her—the only woman I’d ever loved.
“When I got back outside, I saw him getting out of my truck. He was shaking, eyes wide. I ran over and pulled him the rest of the way out. I remember yelling at him, asking what the fuck he thought he was doing. He was so fucking high. He started rambling but nothing made sense. I dragged him to the store while I yelled for Sasha to stay in the truck. I got the guy inside and told the kid behind the counter what happened. He called 911, then we locked the piece of shit in the storage room since I had no way to hold him.”
I could smell the gasoline faintly in the air. The scent that always lingered at gas stations. Hardly any cars drove past due to the time of night and we were in a more rural area. One of the fluorescent lights above flickered like it was on its last leg. How could I remember those details but lost most of Sasha’s over the years?
“I went to check on Sasha, figured she’d be shaken up after what happened. She was leaning against the passenger side door. I opened it and she fell into my arms. I quickly sat her up in the truck. Her head dropped to the side. There were angry marks on her neck. I started shaking her, calling her name, trying to get her to wake up and look at me. I fucking begged her. She didn’t move. I knew before I put my fingers to her pulse point she was gone, but I couldn’t accept it. Not when she’d been okay minutes before.
“I didn’t know CPR. Not that it would have made a difference. I put my ear to her mouth to see if I could hear or feel her breath. I placed my hand over her heart, pleading with it to suddenly start beating. I even tried to mimic what I’d seen on TV when someone gave CPR. She was gone though.
“Something snapped in me then. I turned, intending to go inside and beat the fuck out of the guy who did that to her, but the police showed before I could. I would have killed him given the chance. I would have broken every bone in his body. I would have strangled him the way he did Sasha, so he could feel the pain he inflicted on her.”
I went quiet after that, too caught in the memory. My words had dried up. I simply existed in the past. In never-ending agony.
7
