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“Yes,” he replied. “I’m saving money. I want to buy a house one day.” He shrugged.
“I’m sorry.” I shouldn’t have asked. It wasn’t my business. If he wanted me to know, he’d tell me.
“You have nothing to apologize for. Now, sit at the table. You’re going to eat with us. I made plenty.”
“I can’t.”
“Yeah, you can,” Val cut in. “Stop trying to leave. You’re eating dinner with us. End of story.”
That was just what we did. We sat around Corbin’s table, eating a dinner he had made for the two of them. Not once did I feel like the third wheel. They included me in small talk. Corbin would touch my arm every now and then. Val would nudge me with his foot under the table. It felt like I belonged, but that messed with my head even more.
Once we got dinner cleaned up, we sat on the couch. It was big enough for the three of us with no room to spare. Corbin sat in the middle, trying not to fidget and failing. He kept picking at the corner of his nail until Val reached over to still him and left his hand there. I tried to get up and leave, but Corbin’s other hand landed on my thigh, causing me to remain where I was, the heat from it seeping through my jeans.
“I want to apologize for last night,” I said, breaking the awkwardness. “I haven’t spoken about Sasha in so long. The rush of memories overwhelmed me. I didn’t handle it well.”
“What happened after she died?” Corbin asked. “Maybe it will help to finish the story. Get it all out so you can move on like you want. You don’t have to tell us. It’s merely a suggestion.”
I swallowed. It made sense. I didn’t know if it would work though. I was already flayed open. Might as well purge the rest instead of drowning in sorrow. “I shut down. Went through the motions. There was a viewing and a funeral. I stayed with her family until the end. They didn’t blame me, but I did. I decided not to go to college like I planned. Underground fighting became my drug of choice. My parents begged me not to do it; however, no one could stop me. I didn’t care that I got hurt. I just needed to fight my way through the pain. I didn’t know how else to channel it. It felt good to hit something.
“I was eventually approached by someone who wanted to make me a professional. No more of the underground dirty shit, but a shot at earning a lot of money and getting recognition. I never speak his name, just like I don’t talk about that time in my life. It all blurs together with Sasha. One giant nightmare. I agreed to the change, figured if I was going to fight, I should get something out of it. I had a trainer, a doctor, everyone I needed to build me into a machine. It worked. I won and fought through a line of men on my way to the top.
“Sasha had been gone three years when I got news that her killer was murdered. The fight left me. I was done. I went home, got as far as the living room before I lost it. My legs gave way, I fell to the floor and cried like I hadn’t before. My parents and Dex held me.”
Corbin’s hand hadn’t left my thigh. He was rubbing it soothingly, reminding me he was still there, they both were. It helped keep me grounded and didn’t send me completely into the past like last night. I had to keep talking. The worst part was over. The story needed to be completed.
“I didn’t know where to go from there. I was a shell of myself. I still hurt but I was so fucking exhausted. It was bone-deep. I think I slept for a week after I came home. My dad eventually sat me down, asked me if I wanted to go to college. I didn’t, so he found something else for me to do. Some might say he pushed me too soon, but he knew I needed an outlet. I couldn’t stay stationary for long. He was already planning on opening a gym. He asked if I wanted to help him run it. I agreed since it would be familiar to me. Not the same as fighting, but it kept me moving, doing, working through my pain. I didn’t go to therapy, even though he offered to take me. The thought of speaking about Sasha, about what happened, there was no way I could do it.
“My dad changed the gym’s specs, added a ring, and told me I could train others. I put in the work to become a certified personal trainer, then went on to learn as much as I could while the gym was being built. By the time it was ready, so was I. I’ve taught countless people how to fight. I teach self-defense as well. I give people the skills they’ll need to fight off an attacker. If I can save one person from the fate Sasha had, then my hard work paid off.”
“Xaiden?” Corbin whispered so quietly I almost didn’t hear him.
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for trusting us and telling us your story.”
I took a deep breath and let it out. The weight I normally carried around was still there, but it didn’t push on me as hard. It wasn’t the boulder which normally sat on my chest. It was almost like I wasn’t alone holding it anymore. Like by telling them, they took a piece of it. “I’m glad I told you.” I lifted my hand to run it through my hair and realized how badly it was shaking. It held in front of my face like I wasn’t in control of it, my fingers trembling. Revealing the emotions didn’t just hurt my chest and my head, they affected me everywhere.
Corbin took my hand in his, pulled it to his leg and held it there. Val reached over to put his hand on top of ours. I looked at them, willing my eyes not to fill with tears. The moment was heavy, but it felt good. A part of me settled, relaxed.
Shifting on the couch, Corbin released my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulders. He didn’t pull me toward him; he didn’t need to. I sought out his warmth, as if it were the sun chasing away the cold chill of winter. My head went to his shoulder and my eyes closed, soaking the peace in.
Val must have moved to my other side. I heard him get up but didn’t bother opening my eyes. Fingers went through my hair, brushing it out of my face. I hummed at how good it felt. “You don’t have to be alone anymore,” Val said quietly. “Corbin and I are here. We’ve got you.”
Opening my eyes, I turned my head without lifting it and peered up at Val. “Even after last night?”
He nodded.
“And after I ruined your date?”
“You didn’t ruin it. Right, Doc?”
“Not at all,” Corbin said.
“Can I sit here a bit longer?” I wasn’t ready to leave but knew I couldn’t stay here with them all night.
Corbin dropped his cheek to my head. “As long as you want.”
I couldn’t explain what was going through me, except I wanted to feel like this more often. Both of them touching me, comforting me, was something I didn’t allow anyone to do for so long. I kept my family at arm’s length when it came to what I was dealing with. It was easier that way. With Corbin and Val, I felt safe. Fuck, that was weird. I could kick ass like no one’s business. This wasn’t my body that needed protection though. This was another part of me, a much more vulnerable one.
