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We tried to keep the conversation light, but the tension rose. Not the kind from an impending argument. One built from need and desire. We each had our reasons for being hard up. Putting us in the same room, I was waiting for one of us to explode. It would probably be me, and it would be a disaster since I had no idea what the hell to do with men.
Dinner cleanup was quick. My dishwasher was empty. I had zero desire to waste time washing dishes. Everything went into it, including the dish the food cooked in. I didn’t even rinse the thing off. It was a problem for tomorrow.
Corbin, ever the sensible one, spoke first while we stood in the kitchen, unsure of what to do next. I should have offered a suggestion. I was the host. Diving right in and asking them to touch me probably wasn’t the correct move so I kept my mouth shut. Plus, it would come off overly selfish. I wanted to touch them too but wasn’t sure how to ask for that.
“We need to talk before we do anything,” he said. “Should we go into the living room?”
I nodded and so did Val. This time, the three of us sat on the couch with me in the middle.
“I’m not going to run or throw you out, if that’s what you’re thinking,” I said.
“I was a little,” Corbin admitted. “Only because it happened before.”
Leaning back, I got comfortable, hoping to convey I was settled in my decision.
“You’ve had time to think about what you told me, Xaiden. How do you feel?”
“It’s still what I want.”
Val shook his head. “I can’t believe you want to be with us. I mean, I’m thrilled, but part of me is nervous as hell. I’m worried once we get into this, one of you is going to bolt, and I’m not going to handle it well.”
Corbin turned so he could see us. “I’m not going anywhere. This is what I want. Both of you.”
It was my turn to speak. I decided to go with honesty. Nothing else would work. My nerves amped up. My hands started to shake. “This is new for me. Not just being attracted to men, but talking about how I feel. Every time we speak, it gets easier. I’ve had this week to think, and I want this. I want to explore a relationship with you both. It scares the shit out of me. If you think my brother is possessive, I can tell you I’m going to be the same way. I don’t think I can be any different. After losing Sasha…” I trailed off, needing a second to steady myself, not wanting to get lost in the past. “There’s a fear inside me I’m not sure will ever go away. I worry about my parents, my brother, my friends. Outside of my parents, the rest of them are all capable motherfuckers. Well, except Perry, but he has Dom and Pey to protect him. I’d love to get Dom in the ring with Dex since I know Pey and Greer won’t do it. He’s come a long way.” Shit, I was getting off track.
“Anyway,” I continued. “I don’t say this to imply you’re weak. I can look at both of you and know that’s not true. But you haven’t trained like they have or had to fight like JJ has.” Turning, I looked at Val. “You’ve had a hell of a hard life. I know you can swing and connect. You have the scars on your knuckles to prove it.”
Val looked at his hands.
“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” I turned to Corbin. “You have a different kind of strength. One that comes from seeing and dealing with emergencies. You can handle a lot. I’d love to get you both into my gym, at least equip you with basic self-defense, if nothing more. I won’t push though. I just… I can’t lose anyone else. I wouldn’t survive it to fall in love again, only for it to end so fast. There would be no string of fights that could purge that kind of pain from my soul. There are two of you, which has the potential to obliterate me. Yes, I want you both, if you want me. I don’t know if that makes me bi or if you’re the only two men I desire. I’m going to be a lot to handle. I’m going to want to keep you safe. I’m going to want to know where you are, how you’re doing. If you’re sick or hurt, I’m going to be a huge pain in the ass worrying over you. I can also tell you; I’ll be needy as fuck. I have a feeling once we start something, I’m going to be like a junkie looking for a fix. I’m going to want you on a level you’ve not experienced.”
I zipped my mouth after that because holy nightmare, what did I just unload on them? Who the fuck would want me after saying that?
My eyes stayed ahead on the trees out my front window while my leg bounced up and down in rapid succession, as if the motion alone would bleed the nervous energy from me. I couldn’t look at them. I didn’t want to see the looks on their faces wondering what the fuck they got themselves into.
Val spoke first. “Xaiden, look at me.”
I couldn’t. I’d rather them get up and leave if it was too much.
His fingers touched my chin, gently urging me to turn toward him. “Seriously, fucking look at me.”
I did then. He wasn’t afraid. He wasn’t scared off. His breath was coming faster.
Val took my hand in his and brought it over to his cock. I followed the movement with my eyes, saw how hard he was in his jeans before my hand was placed on him so I could feel him. Goddamn, he was hot and so fucking hard.
“If you think what you said is going to turn me off, you’re wrong. It was like you took everything I wanted in a man and spoke the words out loud.” He drew my gaze up to his with his fingers again. I couldn’t pull my hand from his cock, didn’t want to. “Possess me, Xaiden. Fucking own me if you want. But you’re going to have to share me with Corbin.”
13
CORBIN
How could I compete with that, with what Xaiden said? I wasn’t anything like him, yet the way Val looked at him, it broke my heart a bit. I couldn’t be what Val needed.
I debated on getting up and leaving. The only thing keeping me in place was Val saying he wanted both of us.
Xaiden’s words didn’t scare me off. The idea of being possessed by someone, of being wanted like that, I was all for it. I could understand why some might not like it. After what I’d been through with Pia, and how I was fooled that she wanted to be with me, I needed the openness Xaiden was offering. I needed to feel wanted. If I wasn’t, I’d second-guess if I was truly desired.
“Doc?” Val’s voice floated to me.
