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“What would have happened if you hadn’t treated her quickly?” I asked. I knew the answer but like Val had pushed Corbin to speak about this, I had to get Corbin to finish. To realize he saved someone.
“She could have died, but anyone could have saved her. It was my shift when she came in.”
“And anyone could have lost Cody’s mom when she was brought in if you hadn’t been working. You’re in the field you are for a reason. You love your job. I saw how you lit up when you talked to my mom about what you do. I know this wasn’t the first time you’ve lost patients, but you’re letting them destroy you. Why?”
“It’s Cody. I wanted to help him. To give him hope, but I couldn’t. Everything spiraled after that.”
“You could have talked to us, Doc,” Val told him.
“If I can’t get that part of my life right, how can I be what you both need?”
Val shook his head. “Stop. You’re as wrapped up in your mind as Xaiden is. I’m going to lay some truths on you both and you’re going to listen. You’re an amazing doctor, Corbin. Every day you go to work, you have the opportunity to change someone’s life. Not only by helping them, healing them, but by talking to them and showing them someone cares. Do you know what I would have given for one person to give a shit about me when I was younger?”
He didn’t let Corbin answer before he pushed on, focusing on me now. “Xaiden, we’re not going to get everything right. We’re going to have our bad moments. We’re going to fight just like every couple out there, except there’s three of us to argue. You need to have faith in us. That we’re going to come back to you, to each other. That we’re going to find our way home. And yeah, I get how cheesy it sounds, but this place, this house with you two in it, it is home. I haven’t felt like this in… Fuck, I don’t think I ever have. We have to talk though. We have to communicate or we’re going to keep ending up right where we are.”
Val took Corbin’s hand in his and threaded their fingers together. “You leaving us, Doc? Do you want out? Speak now or commit because Xaiden won’t be able to take this shit again and neither will I. Just because I don’t show much on the outside doesn’t mean it isn’t ripping me apart inside.”
Corbin’s eyes latched on to Val’s then mine. “I don’t want to leave. I want to be with you both. You’re going to have to take me as I am. I’m not always confident. I try to be. I do love my job, but it gets hard sometimes. I’m going to retreat but I’ll never go far. Even these past few days while I didn’t feel worthy of either of you, I still came here, still crawled into bed and soaked in your warmth. I’m sorry I made you worry. I’ll try to do better.”
“You don’t have to,” I told him. “We just need to talk like Val said.”
Corbin nodded and reached for my hand.
I held my other one out for Val. “I’m sorry for not handling this well. When I felt you pull back, Corbin, I thought the worst. I shouldn’t have, but I did. I was waiting for you to walk out the door and not come back. I worried you’d see I wasn’t worth it, Val, and follow him.” My insecurities ran deep, but I would lay everything out there if it meant keeping them. “I know this is going to sound like a lot and feel free to tell me to take several steps back, but... I love you. Both of you. I’ve felt it for a while and was afraid to say it. Since we’re putting our cards on the table, these are mine. Also, I want you both to move in with me. We haven’t been together long, but I want you here all the time. I need you so much.” I had to press my lips closed before I said anything else.
Corbin’s eyes went wide. “Xaiden,” he whispered. “Do you mean it?”
“With my whole fucked-up heart.”
He dove forward and pressed his lips to mine. “Yes,” he said between kisses. “I love you both. I want to be here with you and Val.”
When we broke apart, our eyes settled on Val, who rolled his. “Fuck, you two are sappy.” Then he grinned. “I love you both like crazy, and hell yeah, I’ll move in. But I’m going to pay my way. We’re splitting the bills and all that shit.”
“Whatever you want,” I told him. I’d give them everything to have them here.
22
CORBIN
They loved me. And Xaiden asked us to move in. How amazing was that? They sat on either side of me, smiling with love in their eyes. I still had tears in mine. I was emotionally wrung out but there was also a new energy in me, one they gave me.
The past week I’d been so busy beating myself up over everything with Cody, and losing another patient, I didn’t fully grasp what I was doing to Val and Xaiden. I knew I was pulling back, that was intentional. I didn’t feel good enough for them. Like I deserved them.
Pia had done a number on me; however, I was able to push it aside because I was so happy with Xaiden and Val. Then the shit at work happened and I spiraled. It wasn’t one thing but multiple things that kept building and building. With every addition to the pile, I sank lower.
I felt awful for not recognizing the destruction I was doing to those around me. Val seemed to take it better, but he wasn’t made of steel. He didn’t show it like Xaiden did. Fuck, I was destroying him. He had doubts and fears. All I’d done was feed into them. They deserved better but for some reason, they still wanted me. I was going to do my best not to fuck up a second time.
Xaiden leaned forward, his weight on my body, slowly sliding me down the bed until I was on my back. His lips crushed down on mine; our tongues meeting, seeking the other out. He kissed me with desperation and so much love. It had me wrapping my arms around him to keep him against me, to feel every inch of him.
“Don’t do that again,” he whispered against my lips.
“I’ll try not to, but don’t give up on me if I do.”
“Never.”
He started kissing across my jaw to my neck as he lifted my shirt to skim his fingers along my stomach and chest. I reached for Val, needing him close as well. I was still raw. I needed them to engulf me, to wrap me up and never let go.
Val’s kiss was like a drug, making me dizzy and addicted. The two of them against me, not knowing whose hands were whose, I finally gave up any notion of trying to think and simply let go.
