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But for Rafael to have kept this huge a secret from me for so long… For him to have been capable of putting on a false front like that to begin with… How much else had I misjudged?
How could I know whether any of the choices I’d made had been the right ones?
I’d thought I loved him. I’d thought he loved me. Could I trust even that much?
How could I say I loved him when I hadn’t known such a vital part of why he’d come into my life at all?
My bleary gaze roamed around the room. Finally it landed on my skates where they leaned against my equipment bag near the door Rafael had just left through.
Other images rose up in the back of my mind, ones I didn’t need a video of to remember them. All those years when Rafael had motioned me out the door with him and driven uncomplaining to the arena in Austin. The hundreds of times he’d stood guard in the stands while I skated for hours on end.
The quiet smile I’d sometimes spot after I completed a particularly difficult move.
All the attempts I’d made at flirting with him, starting back when I was no more than thirteen. The times I’d outright propositioned him—at sixteen, then eighteen—putting my heart out there on the line.
He could have had me. He could have taken my hopes, used me, and ripped me to shreds. Wouldn’t that have made a perfect revenge?
But he hadn’t. He’d resisted my advances every time.
And despite that, he’d never left my side when I needed him. He’d volunteered to trek across the continent with me without hesitation, even knowing my mother would be out for my blood and his. He’d come back to Austin with me with the same threat hanging over him and done nothing that wasn’t for my protection that entire time.
When I took everything I knew into account, I couldn’t deny the facts. Even if Rafael had started working for my mother intending to betray her and tear down her empire, in the end he’d decided that supporting me was more important. He’d passed up all kinds of opportunities to undermine her so that he could look after me instead.
He was irreversibly interwoven into the journey that had brought me here—and I knew with a growing resolve that I’d come way too far to give up now.
But even with that certainty spreading through my chest, taking the edge off the pain, confusion clouded my mind. We couldn’t go forward like this.
I needed to know exactly what had happened and why he’d wanted to hurt my family. Only then could I decide if and how I wanted to put the pieces back together.
I pushed myself upright on the sofa and glanced over at the guys in the kitchen. Savory smells drifted from the frying pan, but my mouth didn’t even water.
“I think I’m ready to talk to Rafael some more,” I said. “Get the whole story.”
Niko nodded. “Whatever you think is right. You know him much better than any of us.”
Jasper smiled tightly. “Yeah. We trust your judgment.”
Quentin just scowled, but he didn’t argue.
Inhaling deeply, I looked down at my phone and typed out a text to the man who’d been my rock for more than half of my life.
Come back? I’m ready to hear what you have to say.
FIFTEEN
Rafael
When I reachedthe apartment door, I stopped. For a second, the burden of my omissions weighed on me so heavily I couldn’t move.
All the secrets I’d kept from Lou.
All the casual deceptions I’d let myself pretend didn’t matter.
All the horrible history that had brought us together, that hadn’t gone away no matter how much I’d wanted to believe it had.
How the fuck was the woman I loved ever going to trust me again?
I wasn’t going to find out unless I walked in there and talked to her. Even if sheneverforgave me, she deserved as much of an explanation as she’d let me give.
