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After he finished his food and sat for a while scanning the table, as if searching for something, he became suddenly confused.Coloring books. Where did she...?
“Daddy, can we go skating on the lake when you finish your picture?” Jordan peered at him from her coloring book. She had a ton of crayons and a bunch of other books all over the kitchen table. The mess was complete, but it only made Logan smile. He was sitting on the other end of the table going through some plans for a home they were hoping to remodel in the spring. Jordan had joined him so she could “work” with Daddy.
The idea that one day he might be able to give her the opportunity to make her own way, just like his parents had done for him, always made him feel so proud and excited about the future.
“Yes, baby, of course we can. Go get your jacket.” In her excitement she jumped out of her seat, accidentally shoving everything to the side–crayons spilling over the table and falling on the floor beneath.
“Sorry, Daddy!” she cried out, her little mouth pouting. He could never be mad at her. She had him wrapped around her pinkie.
“It’s okay, baby. Go get dressed. I will get them all. I promise.”
He was leaning sideways looking at the floor now, suddenly yanked out of the memory. Morpheus was by his side, just yawning and observing him. He sighed. Episodes like this one both overjoyed him with their brilliant detail and, at the same time horrified him, because he had no idea how long the flashback would take him under for.
The snow was coming down in earnest now, and he was sure, they would wake up tomorrow to a winter wonderland. He was vaguely concerned about the possibility he might not get to see Dave. That feeling was quickly replaced by embarrassment, as he impulsively was hoping the roads would stay closed so he would have a legitimate excuse to stay home and not meet with his friend or get to his appointment at the hospital.
The lake near the front of the house wouldn’t freeze until way into December, but once it did, the view would be fantastic. It was the reason why he had been scraping and saving to buy this plot of land off his father Tom in the first place. He had already been working in construction as his summer job with his dad and once it became clear that this little piece of paradise would require too much paperwork to be developed, as well a million restrictions as to what kind of construction could take place in the area, his father had given him the opportunity to buy it off him. Logan had long paid off the land and the property was entirely his.
After the accident, Logan was in recovery and did physiotherapy for months on end, all covered by his health insurance from his job with his dad’s construction company. They had always been a tight-knit family and working together with his old man had never been tedious. Once Tom was ready to retire, he would leave him and his brother Lucas in charge of the company.
These days, Logan doubted this would be the case, as he couldn’t even imagine going back to work anywhere near loud machinery, talking to people in professional capacity on daily basis, or do anything but be submerged in his bubble of silence together with Morpheus. His father hadn’t pressured him into coming back to work, but the fact that he wasn’t contributing to the company had bothered him. He had refused to continue receiving wages for doing nothing, effectively going on unpaid leave two years ago. It was the right thing to do, but that move only opened the door to possible financial struggles in the years to come.
The fact he had not yet sorted his future source of income was something he couldn’t even begin to worry about. He was living off his savings and that would last him a while, simply because he never left the house for anything other than a medical appointment, and the rare as hens’ teeth, occasional visit to Dave and his parents.
The rest of the day went by so uneventfully that by the time the sky was dark, and it was time for Morpheus to go for one last walk, Logan could hardly remember what he had done with his afternoon. It was the pills, just making him sit there, looking at nothing for hours, letting time slip by – like he was already dead. He shook his head, fully aware that this was bullshit and he refused to spiral for the second time in the span of one day.
He went to the fridge, where he kept a small writing board with a list of daily chores. He had done this so he wouldn’t lose track of his days, and the house wouldn’t be a complete disaster of dirty plates, unwashed laundry, and packing boxes. He wiped it clean every night, then started again the next day, adding the dates and time, just to be sure he hadn’t lost his mind completely and was ticking off the same things over and over again.
He looked over the remaining few things he could do. It was too late for laundry, so he did the dishes, brought in some wood from the shed near the house and stacked it neatly by the fireplace. He mopped the kitchen floor, after Morpheus had made a mess running in and out after him, dragging mud and leaves all over the floor. He checked the time and after a quick look at Morpheus, he clicked his tongue again and they went out into the night for his last walk.
* * *
Evenings were rough,and it was his own fucking fault for losing access to any type of sleeping pills he was given right after the incident. His physician was reluctant to prescribe him anything stronger than multivitamins and herbal supplements to aid the release of melatonin, to help him build up to a healthier sleeping pattern. Logan knew this was to be expected, considering his accidental overdose.
Not that the medication he had originally been prescribed, had given him the feeling of actually being rested. The effect was similar to waking up after being shot with a gorilla-grade tranquilizer – dry mouth, his mind swimming in confusion and aching muscles.
The drugs may not have been the best for making him feel refreshed in the morning, but they sure as hell helped him go under fast so he wouldn’t have to stand in the empty house, feeling useless and robbed from everything he used to do when Sophy and Jordan had been there. Like having dinner with them, then chasing after Jordan when she would refuse to go straight to bed even after brushing her teeth. Reading his little girl stories and kissing her goodnight.
Then once his daughter had dozed off, he would sneak out quietly from her room to find his wife in their bed, reading a novel. She would look up from her page and smile at him. The soft, loving look in her eyes that made him weak in the knees was never any less sweet from the night before.
It had been too painful to constantly find reminders of Jordan and Sophy all over the house. He had slowly begun to pack away their things, including photographs, and kept them all stored in neatly organized boxes upstairs in Jordan’s bedroom. He wasn’t trying to pretend they had never existed, but some small self-preservation instinct pushed him to stay on top of his sanity first. One day, when his life had some semblance of normality, he hoped to be able to surround himself with the memories of Jordan and Sophy without falling apart.
His nights now consisted of wiping down Morpheus’s paws then making sure all the doors and windows were locked. Next on the list was checking the emergency generator outside, and his water tank. Then he would slowly drag himself upstairs to take a hot shower, in the hopes that he could trick his body to drift into sleep. It hardly ever worked. Logan would lie awake for hours, until he was so tired, he would finally doze off only to have a horrible nightmare and wake up with his heart thrashing in his chest in fear. His dreams pushed forward his biggest shame – that when he first opened his eyes in the car and had not known Sophy and Jordan were already gone, he had been so fucking grateful to be alive.
Sleeping alone in the bed he had shared with Sophy never got any easier. Reaching for her in the middle of the night and then sobbing, clutching onto Morpheus when she wasn’t there was a regular occurrence by now. Logan would never feel the warmth of her skin under his fingertips. She would never hold him back again, kiss him, or make love to him. He would never hear her soft laughter and feel her gentle touch, as she ran her fingers through his hair, always just a tad too long, just how she liked it.
Only tonight he didn’t have time to wallow in his misery, because just as he was settling down for the evening, Morpheus became agitated and started whining. This was not entirely unusual, as they were in the woods, so he did react to animals outside, but his behavior now seemed more urgent.
“What is it, boy?” Logan asked, and for a moment there he was sure Morpheus had rolled his eyes at him, because obviously, he couldn’t answer his stupid question. The giant bullmastiff tugged at his pajama pants and Logan cursed then got up and dressed hurriedly.
“Okay, I guess we’re going out into the woods in the middle of the night now.” He was muttering to himself, annoyed he couldn’t simply ignore Morpheus.
Logan stopped at the front door where Morpheus was impatiently whining and took a deep breath to steady himself. He grabbed his big torchlight and followed Morpheus into the night.
CHAPTERTWO
Sammy
Sammy crossed the street running, pretty sure the lights were red. The sound of tires skidding to a stop and the curses that followed confirmed his suspicion. He didn’t look back but slowed down to a jog. He was in a hurry to reach the location he was given by the agency that had hired him to shoot a commercial. Well, not really. He was onlyassistingduring the shoot. But whatever.Potato - Potatoe.
