AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Ty misses holding Rian’s hand even if he’s felt his fingers clasp his own just once.
Before last Christmas, all his interactions with Rian seem like these beautiful, sweet glimpses of something too good to ever become true. They warm him as he tucks them away in his collection of memories with Rian.
It isn’t that simple this time around. Suddenly his whole world is flipped upside down and his life as he knows it feels like this giant pause button. An unnecessary, forced break, between being with Rian and doing anything-fucking-else. Rian is his reality and this shit here, Cyril holding him down, the dust swirling around them, gunshots in the distance, is some fucking mirage, a nightmare he can’t wake up from.
Why? Why? Why the fuck is he doing this to both of them?
The memory of Rian’s eyes as he leaves him that last time are haunting him every day.
Never again.
I can’t fucking do this anymore.
The truth suffocates him, and it is starting to burden him so much, that he is acting it seems just as ridiculous as Scott.
It dawns on him that Cyril would have noticed and is patiently waiting for Ty to come to him, to confide and seek comfort. That's simply who Cyril is.
Ty looks up now, mourning the fingers slowly letting go of him. Cyril has long reassured him that there is nothing wrong with craving touch. Being starved for it is a detrimental feeling and he should never be ashamed to seek comfort. That he is always welcome to find it in his arms.
Ty braces himself, and once Cy’s hand is no longer on him, it’s like the world and the reality of their duties come rushing in, flooding the air around him with palpable tension. There is no other way to describe it, other than his body is vibrating, tingling uncomfortably, and his ears are thudding, all from the loss of contact. Drowning as his senses are flooded with outside commotions and his brain is painfully overstimulated.
Tayida takes a deep breath and bobs his head, muttering “I’ll watch him. I…What do you think is up with him?”
Cyril’s eyes are dark on him. “I don't think he wants to come back from this mission. I think he’ll try to provoke you. I think he wants you to do what he is too scared to do himself.”
Ty finally understands what Cyril is telling him – that Scott is hoping Ty makes a move. Perhaps, after weeks of escalating the tension between them, he is certain that Ty hates him enough to shoot him in cold blood, even if it is his duty to protect him.
The realization sickens him. He should know better – he’s been this anxious himself, and he remembers damn well the dangerous thoughts depression and despair breed.
Ty sucks in a breath then nods.
Fuck.
“I messed up. I let you down. I’m sorry. I…Fuck…” Ty’s frustration with himself threatens to turn into another panic attack.
Cyril reads him perfectly and leans into his space, bringing their foreheads together, clasping his thick fingers around the nape of Ty’s neck. They take a beat –it’s just us, brother, focus on me, is what this gesture means. God. Tayida is so fucking grateful for Cyril.
“I trust you, Ty. I trust you because you are not only my best friend, but you are also my family. I feel you in my blood, brother. You and I – nothing can break us. Don’t beat yourself up over this. Neither of us could have guessed what was really going on with Scott.”
Ty takes a deep breath, then allows himself to drown in Cyril’s bottomless green eyes. The light reflecting in them brings out some of the gold speckles around his irises. So much like Rian’s, only his eyes are blue.
Another deep breath.
Rian. My Rian. My Siren.My love.My life. My future. My everything.
The thoughts come in a flash, giving him chills.
It’s time to tell Cyril the truth. And he will.
Right after this shit with Scott is sorted, he will do just that.
“I'm good.” Ty breaks the physical contact.
Cyril grins at him.
Easy like Sunday morning.
“Good. Let's go.”
