Page 106 of A Queen's Shadow


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Kai closed the door behind him as if caging himself in. He’d get through this. It was just aroom.

He noticed the blanket lying on the small couch—one of his mother’s favorites—from all of the times she’d sat or slept in here.Why did you leave me?He’d heard her sob once, and it still haunted him.

The scent of smoke choked him.

Breathe.In and out.

Kai suddenly became very aware of the heartbeat beneath his palm, the warmth pressed to his chest. The pup didn’t squirm, only nuzzled closer. He flexed the fingers of his other hand, wishing again for her, wishing he’d had a floral and rain-kissed scent chasing away some of this smokiness.

He drew closer to the desk and didn’t bother turning on the lamp atop it because then he’d clearly see his father’s unfinished paperwork that still sat there, his handwriting scribbles somehow legible.

Plopping on the couch, something sharp poked at his leg, and he let the pup down with a warning not to piss on the floor. He reached beneath the blanket to pull out a framed photo. He recognized the grainy, discolored image as being taken by his mother’s old camera.Of courseit would be here.

It hadn’t been his entire family. Only his dad and his two sons, his mother behind the lens as they posed on the deck of the family’s riverboat. Jaden had his lumerosi across his chest, which meant he had to be at least fourteen when he’d fully mastered his shift and been granted them, meaning Kai had to be at least eleven. Up on his father’s shoulders, while Jaden stood in front, the wind pushed through his hair that had been curlier then, as he threw his arms out, beaming without restraint. He almost wondered if the kid was him at all.

He was trying to protectyou.

Ezekiel had to be lying, or perhaps Kai just needed him to be.

He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward, leaving the frame to the side and putting his face in his hands.

Suddenly, everything in the room pressed down on him, the darkness, the quiet, the barest truths that he allowed to get blissfully lost in the madness—that he never truly let himselffeel.

They were dead. They weren’t ever coming back. He’d never see them again, never find them, no matter if he turned the world upside down and inside out, they were nowhere.

And that suffocated him with every word he hadn’t said and any remark he wished more than anything to take back. It suffocated him with the realization that he wanted to hear his father’s advice. About being an alpha, a mate, a father…even if he may have disregarded it anyway. He wanted Jaden’s, too. Wanted to keep growing up with him, start each of their families like they’d always talked about, figuring out who would be the cooler uncle. He wanted him to tease Kai mercilessly for being so stupidly in love but then come to understand why like he always did.

A dampness crept into the corner of his eyes, and he swiped it away, never giving it a chance to slip. Snapping his eyes open, he leaned back in the chair again.

There was no room for tears, no room for breaking.

Weather it. Weather it andsurvive.

There was the sound of scraping and shuffling, of soft growls and grunts. Kai craned his neck to see the pup’s tail wagging and butt wiggling as he pulled and pulled something from beneath his father’s desk.

“Hey! Stop that,” Kai called across the room, but the pup didn’t cease. Whatever it was, it had to be heavy, or the little beast’s strength hadn’t quite kicked in yet.

Kai groaned, pushing to his feet. “Little one.” His gritted voice echoed in the room, and he sounded more like his father than he ever had in his life. He reached down, scooping the pup up in an arm and bringing his face close to his. His red eyes blinked naively at him. Kai couldn’t be swayed. “What did I say?”

The pup lunged forward in response, lapping Kai’s nose.His breath was horrendous.Thatwas truly bak.

Kai grumbled, wiping away the wetness.“You and Isla will be the death of me—fuck.”

Reeling forward, Kai grabbed what he could to support him, his father’s bookshelf holding his weight. His chest felt like it had been cleaved open. His entire body was numb and cold with panic.

Not. His.

Isla. The bond.

Kai had felt terror like this, pure genuine fear, from her enough times to know that something was wrong.

And he had nowhere near enough time to get to her.

CHAPTER32

ISLA

Isla’s skin itched, her head throbbed, and her throat burned, but she forced herself to remain in her seat. She forced herself to listen while speeches and anecdotes were given of small triumphs against the Imperial Pack and its allies, confirming and burgeoning what she’d learned from Eli about the brewing southern rebellions.

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