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“I’m scared,” she admitted.
“Of what?”
“High up on that list is all the critiques that will come of my body. My boobs are too small, I have no ass.”
“You’re fucking fantastic, Jill,” he started to say.
“You, on top of me, kissing me in a room full of people.”
He swallowed, then took a drink of water. “There’s no such thing as anti-Viagra,” he said after a moment. “It’s going to be…well, I’ll be acting with my whole body.”
“And then they call cut.”
“And then they call cut,” he agreed. “And we blue ball it back to my trailer? Where we shag it out?”
“I don’t want a showmance with you. I literally cannot do it again–fall in love with you.”
“Jill? Can I say something serious?”
“I wish to god you would.”
He reached and took her hands. “I’ve never not been in love with you. I’ve just also always been really in love with myself. I’m still really in love with myself and you scare the fuck out of me with your five-year plans and your certainty, and your confidence in me. You were always so confident in me. You were always so sure of me. You encouraged me to try things I never would have, and when I did them, it was your voice in my head that got me through the scary bits. I’ve never been that sure of myself.
“I think,” he said, “you’re always going to be at least a little in love with me. I don’t think that’s ever going to go away. I know it hasn’t for me. I hope it doesn’t for you. That’s selfish. I’m okay with that.”
“I always want you to be a little in love with me, too.”
“I know,” he said with a smile. He squeezed her fingers then let go as the waiter brought a basket of bread that Kline immediately refused. When they were alone again, he said, “It’s probably going to be really awkward at first. It always is for me. You want to get into it because that’s your job, but you don’t want to get too into it because there’s that very fine line between art and porn. It’s terrifying to be that vulnerable. It’s terrifying to put your flesh and your desire out there for everyone to examine, but then you realize the crew is busy. They’re working.
“It’ll be a closed set, so only necessary personnel will be there, and after a few minutes, you forget they are there. You get caught up in the blocking and not getting into your partner’s light, and not cracking noses into each other. We’ll have the intimacy coordinator there to help. But no matter what, I promise I’ll take care of you during those scenes. You can trust me. I will take care of you.”
Jill blew out a breath and tried to joke. "I can't wait to see you in your flesh tone thong.That's got to do wonders for your ass.Me, I'll be in my flesh tone g-string with the silicone side and back strings--which does do wonders for my ass." She dipped a finger in her water and glanced up through her lashes and said seriously, "I'm glad it's you."
"I'm glad it's me, too. I'll bet you'll be sick of me before it's all said and done. The murder scenes will probably prove quite cathartic."
"I can hardly wait. Change the subject?" She poked around in her glass more and he nodded. "So, Jack's really cute and friendly. Is he going to be on the set with you?"
Kline beamed at the mention of his son's name. "As often as I can arrange it. I hate being away from him."
"You're really lucky," she nodded. "I love kids. I always wanted a houseful."
"Well, there's still plenty of time, Jill. You're not that old."
She shrugged. "I don't want to have them by myself.August…well, you know August. He hates them. Anyway, I'm not even sure if it's a possibility for me, and maybe that's a good thing.There's the possibility that I'd be just like my mother."
Kline shook his head. "I don't think there's any danger of that. You learned what not to do by being around your mother. You're a good person, Jill. You'd be a great mother. As for August, well, he'll either come around…or you can always find someone else."
"I'm giving up on that, too. If I can't make it with August, then I can't make it with anyone.You know?Anyway."She took a drink."Oh, I got an offer from Playboy. I didn’t even know they still existed in the free-porn internet world.Does that mean I've arrived?For a cover. Me, with no tits on the cover of Playboy."
"Depends. Are you going to do it?"
She shook her head."No.Roland thinks I should wait.I don't want to do it anyway.Besides, everyone's going to see everything in Devil's Party, so why bother?"
"And you don't really need the money, either. I guarantee they aren't offering what they will be after the movie comes out and you're the toast of Hollywood."
Their food arrived and they ate in silence for a while, then Jill looked up, "So..."
"So?"
