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It wasn’t that he wanted to keep it private. It was just embarrassing, and he wasn’t used to talking about it. All of his growing up years were laced with memories of being mercilessly teased because of his speech impediment. He knew what he wanted to say, but for some reason, it got stuck coming out. The kids his age didn’t understand he couldn’t help it.
It was a hard time in his life he’d much rather forget than talk about, but for some reason, he wanted Dani to know that part of him. It was painful, but he wanted to tell her. He took in a breath and let it out.
“When I was a kid, I was obsessed with Donovan Michaels, the running back for the Demons. I wanted his jersey so badly, but it was expensive and my mom worked two jobs just to pay our bills. Extra money was unheard of. We barely had enough to survive.
“But as a young child, I was still convinced that Christmas was magic and Santa would bring me what I really wanted. I must have written him a dozen letters, begging for that jersey. Had I known it was my mother reading those messages, I never would have done it. I knew we had no money. But I had total faith in Santa. So I kept writing, and my mother kept mailing them for me.”
Compassion filled Dani’s features. “That’s so sweet.”
“On Christmas day, when I opened my gift from Santa, there it was. Donovan Michaels’ jersey. I was so excited. I wore that thing for an entire week, day and night, even though it was a little too large on me. I didn’t care. It was my favorite thing in the world.”
“Aw,” Dani said, her lips pulling up into a smile. “How did she manage to do that?”
“I still don’t quite know to this day. She won’t tell me, but I suspect she donated plasma or got a third job. It wasn’t until I was a teenager that I fully realized what that gift had meant.”
Dani blinked, emotion showing on her features. “Your mother must be very special.”
He nodded. “She is.” He swallowed, a lump rising in his throat. “I wanted to wear it to school after winter break, but the school had rules about what you could wear, and I wasn’t allowed. I begged my mother to let me take it to school in my backpack. I wanted to show it to all the kids who made fun of me. I thought it would make them like me.”
She smoothed out the fabric on his shoulder. “These were the kids making fun of your stutter?”
“Yes.” He lowered his head. “They were pretty mean.”
She frowned. “Why are kids that way?”
He let the question hang in the air. He had no answers. “They didn’t react like I thought they would when they saw my jersey. Instead of getting excited, they said it was tainted since I had worn it. They said I had ruined it, and it was now worthless.”
Dani gasped. “They didn’t.”
“Yes, they did. And then they took my jersey and ripped it and tossed it in the mud.”
“Oh, Austin.” She placed her head on his chest and hugged him close. “That breaks my heart.”
“I was so upset, I couldn’t speak. I hid that jersey under my bed and wouldn’t tell my mother why I was crying. She found it the next day.” A wave of emotion choked him and he paused, unable to speak for a moment. “Watching her cry after she found out what happened was probably the worst thing I’ve had to endure in my life.”
Dani blinked back tears. She placed her hands on the sides of his face. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
“I blamed everything that happened on my stutter. If only I didn’t have that problem, those kids wouldn’t have made my mother cry. I hated myself for it.”
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“I know that now. But back then, I didn’t. I was so ashamed. And, if I’m being honest, a part of me still carries that shame from so long ago.”
Dani wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer and swaying to the music. The song had changed, but he barely noticed. She stared up at him. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
A wave of emotion closed his throat. It was just like her to know exactly what to say in a moment like this. Her sweet nature was to try to heal his wounded soul. He stared down at her lips, which looked soft and warm. Energy coursed through him, and he desperately wanted to show her his true feelings. He was falling for Danica Jordan.
Every fiber in his being longed to be with her. To touch her. He couldn’t stop himself. He reached up and caressed the side of her face with his fingers. “I’ve wanted to say the same thing to you.”
She blinked and her lips parted a fraction of an inch. It kind of drove him crazy. All he could think about was how those lips would taste.
“What?” she said.
“Do you know how badly I want to kiss you right now?” The words sprang forth from him, and he was powerless to stop them. After they were out, he froze, waiting to see her reaction. His heart hammered so loud, he was sure she could hear it.
Time stretched as Dani stared at him. He held his breath, unable to say anything else. All he could do was wait to see what Dani would say.
Chapter 22
