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“But now I don’t think I can wait a year. If Dad’s okay... I need to make sure he stays okay. I need to go back.”
“Sure.” Her whole body buzzed with the shock of it. He was leaving. He’d always been leaving. That was all right, though, wasn’t it? They weren’t in love.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone from New York. I just—”
“It’s fine,” she cut in. “You didn’t promise anything. I told you this wasn’t that kind of first time. It was casual.”
“It wasn’t,” he said immediately. “It wasn’t like that for me.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me?” she snapped. “Either it was casual and it didn’t mean anything, or it meant something and you lied to me. Again.”
“I...” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “I’m sorry. This whole thing got away from me. It’s been intense from the start, and I didn’t know when to tell you.”
Intense. Right. She stood up. “We can’t do this right now. You need to go make sure your dad is okay. The phone will be better, anyway.”
“No, it won’t. I want you to know that I wasn’t lying to you. I want to stand here and tell you that if I don’t come back, it’s not because I don’t want to.”
She backed up because he was standing now, too, and she just wanted to hug him. She wanted to cry, and she didn’t know why. “It doesn’t matter. It was only a few dates.”
“That’s not true.”
“Then you were lying!” she yelled, wishing she could take it back even before her words settled over them. He didn’t need this right now. She didn’t even know why she felt so angry. It pushed at her skin like panic, trying to claw deeper. “You let me feel things for you,” she said, trying to keep her voice low. “Things I wouldn’t have let myself feel if I knew you were leaving.”
“I know,” he groaned. “But I knew I was leaving and I still felt those things. I don’t think it would’ve mattered, Veronica.”
“You should have let me decide that!”
“I’m sorry.” He pressed his hands to his forehead and cursed. “I thought we’d have time. I thought we could figure it out.”
“Well, we don’t have time.” Pain raked at her insides. She crossed her arms hard and tried to push it down. “You didn’t have to ask me to trust you, you know. You didn’t have to act like you were being so honest, because I believed you, and now I feel stupid.”
“Please don’t. You’re not stupid.”
She laughed. “Thanks.”
“I’m sorry, Veronica. I just... My family needs me.” He moved toward her, his hands reaching out. “But if I can find a way—”
Veronica backed up, afraid for him to touch her. If he touched her, she’d start crying. She’d cling to him and breathe him in and she’d never want to let him go. There was no reason for that, she told herself. She barely knew him.
He dropped his hands. His face fell.
“You need to go. We don’t...we don’t need to talk about this again, but please let me know how your dad is, okay? And tell Naomi I’m thinking of her, too.”
He watched her, his hands still open at his sides, as if he was pleading.
If he moved toward her again, she wouldn’t have the will to say no. She didn’t want to. This might be her very last chance to touch him, and she didn’t have the strength to reject that chance.
But he didn’t move closer. His hands turned slowly back in toward his body. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he exhaled. “I’ll call you as soon as I can.”
She would’ve told him that wasn’t necessary, but maybe he needed someone to talk to. She couldn’t be so harsh when he was scared for his father. “Do you need a ride to the airport?”
“No. Monique will take us in my car.”
They stood in silence for a few seconds, tension drawing so tight between them she thought she might snap, but then he nodded and turned. “Goodbye,” he said. “I’m sorry.” And he was gone, shutting the door behind him before she could even respond.
She pressed her hand to her mouth, holding back a cry or a sob or some word she couldn’t even anticipate.
She shouldn’t have let him leave like that. Not with his father still in danger. “I’m sorry,” she whispered against her own skin. She wanted to chase after him and hold him and tell him everything was fine, that she was fine. But she felt stupid for even considering it.
