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His hand fell. He dropped his chin and stared at the ground. She watched him for a long moment. She looked at his broad shoulders and the way the sleeves of his green T-shirt stretched tight against his biceps. She traced the muscles down to his forearm and thought of the way those crisp hairs felt under her fingers. This moment was a memory, even as she lived it. It was a memory she needed to gather up and take home with her. His dark gold hair ruffled in the breeze when he looked up. His eyes were swirls of brown and green.
She’d never have another lover like him. She knew that. Even if she traveled the whole world.
Quinn rolled his shoulders and shook his head. “I don’t want you to give up anything for me. Not for me.”
“Good.”
“I just want…I want somethingbetterfor you. That’s all.”
Lori took a deep breath and let it out as slowly as she could. The urge to scream and cry faded away. She met his gaze. “Regardless of whether my life is perfect or not, it’s not for you to decide that it’s worthless. Nobody has that right.”
“I didn’t—”
“Now, will you take me home? I just want to go home.”
“Lori…” The word was a plea, but what the hell did he want from her?
She shook her head and walked past him. When she got to his car, she heard the locks pop open and got in. He joined her, and the silence between them was no longer comfortable, but it lasted the whole way back.
When he pulled to a stop in front of her door, Quinn reached to turn off the ignition, but Lori stopped him with a hand on his arm. “Don’t. This is over, Quinn. It’s already September. The summer is done. You knew it was never supposed to be anything more than that.”
He looked at her hand for a long time, her fingers curled over his flesh. He stared at her skin on his. Then he shifted his narrowed gaze to her face. “You’re being a coward, Lori. And you know it.”
She didn’t disagree. She couldn’t. So she just got out, calmly closed the door, and walked into her father’s house alone.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“You can’t love me,” she groaned, bowed under the pain of the idea. When he’d found her she’d been broken and used. A trollop thrown out like rubbish in the alley. And now she might be cleaned up and beautiful, but no amount of soap could make her pure.
Sebastian might want her, but he couldn’t possibly love her. She wouldn’t let him.
“I do love you,” he whispered. “And you will be my wife.”
Anna shook her head and pulled him back down into the tousled sheets. She kissed him to hide her sorrow, opened her body to his. He let her have her way for now, and that was all she needed. In the morning she’d be gone, and Sebastian would give up these foolish notions of love.
LORI CLOSED THE BOOKwith a sigh. Reading just wasn’t the same anymore. None of the heroes were as interesting as Quinn, and the sex wasn’t nearly as hot as what she’d had this summer.
The third week of October and snow was already falling. The pass was closed. The idea stirred up a dull ache in her chest.
She’d been doing well though. Really well. She’d come to terms with what Quinn had said to her, probably because most of it had been true.
Loriwasscared. She’d been scared for years, ever since her father’s injury. Little bits of her courage were scattered across the country. Some of it in Boston where she’d received the phone call. Some of it floating high in the sky in the trail of the plane that had flown her home. But most of it had fallen away in Grand Valley in the hospital where she’d spent weeks by her dad’s side.
When she’d left Tumble Creek, left her father, something bad had happened. That logic had been seared into her head, along with the mantraIf only I’d stayed.So even after his death, the idea that she might just trot away and try again had given her a cold chill. But with no money to make her way in the world, she hadn’t had to face that terror. Lori didn’t have that luxury any longer.
Joe had created a living trust in her name. Her first instinct had been to turn her back on the money and pretend it wasn’t there. But when she’d realized the amount in the trust was almost the exact amount of her father’s outstanding medical bills…Well, it had only been right that Joe’s money go toward those expenses. She hoped it would bring his ghost some peace.
Lori had found some peace for herself, surprisingly enough. Just knowing what had happened to her dad had relieved a hollow burning she hadn’t even known was there. Even a painful truth was better than no truth at all.
She’d been able to pack the trophies away and take down those horrid paintings her dad had loved. She’d thrown out the burnt orange curtains and raised the blinds. And then she hadn’t been able to stop. Pale yellow paint, a midnight-blue cover for the couch, a pretty crystal lamp she’d found at the outlet mall.
Her bedroom was even brighter with its stark white comforter and brown-and-pink pillows. The bathroom had been a problem. Retiling had seemed a bigger project than she could handle, but she had dared to pry out the countertop and replace it with faux granite and a brushed nickel faucet. To offset the pink tile, she’d papered the wall in pinstripes of pink and brown.
Thoughts of Quinn had kept her company in that bathroom, of course. There’d been no avoiding him. How many times had she thought of calling him to laugh at the sparkly gold countertop or the even more horrid wallpaper she’d found beneath the flocking? How many times had she picked up the phone?
She missed him. She missed him every day. As brief as their affair had been, it had been imprinted on her soul. He hadn’t just been a fling. There was a small possibility she’d actually believed that at the time, but now there was no escaping the truth. She was in love with Quinn Jennings, or damn near close to it.
But one truth did not cancel out another. Her life was still a sticky mess, and falling in love wouldn’t make it any better. She had to figure her life out for herself.
