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Cal’s a hell of an incentive to do better.
Tobebetter.
The heavy silence continues when we park and badge into Redleg. He greets the guard at the desk by name, and I offer a congenial nod.
After we enter the elevator, tension crackles between us like we’re inside one of those glass plasma spheres with electrodes and filaments.
On the way to our shared workspace, he dives inside my office, tugging me behind him. He closes the door, and inside him, a switch flips.
Without warning, he backs me against the wall. One hand cups my chin, and the other wraps possessively around my waist.
Shocked, I part my lips to suck in a sudden inhale. He slams his mouth to mine, sending heat all over my body. His kiss is rough, just shy of brutal. For a split second, I’m frightened by his intensity.
As the surprise wanes, I melt into the moment, allowing him to possess and control me in any way he needs. Use me as a vessel to pass through the tumultuous sea of his emotions. What happened with his mom had to be triggering for him.
When he pulls away, our ragged breaths fill the small space. My eyes flutter open to lock on his stormy hazel irises, so fraught with worry.
With his face hovering an inch from mine, he rasps, “I’m so confused right now, Mia. Your silence since we left Mom’s house has me worried. You don’t have any questions. All of a sudden, you’re giving me privacy, but you’ve given me none since we’ve met.”
Confusion mars my mind. “I-I don’t understand. You seemed like you needed some peace. I wanted you to have it.”
His grip on my chin holds steady, keeping my face locked on his. Something hidden in the sharp lines of his expression screams that he doesn’t believe me.
“Wanted me to have it? All you’ve ever wanted is information.”
My chin quivers as I offer my only defense. “If you want me to know something, then you’ll tell me. If you need to vent, I’m here. But I won’t invade your privacy anymore. If I have questions, I’ll ask. No more snooping. I’m done.”
What’s happening with us right now? One second, he’s kissing me like I’m the air he needs to breathe, and the next, he’s fuming.
His expression softens, and his eyes turn pleading. “Ihatedoubting you after all we shared last night, but I can’t help it. You know everything about me, and I know nothing about you. I ache for you down to my bones, but I keep waiting for the kill shot.”
I force a swallow, and my sinuses sting with incoming tears. “Where is this coming from?”
“I’m protective of my family. Somehow you knew about her condition, what my dad did for a living, and her favorite fucking song. How did you find all that out, and what are you plotting to do with that information?”
“I’m sorry if it upset you that I played the song. I thought it would help.”
“It did help. It was so fucking sweet, but it was another reminder…” He trails off and closes his eyes.
Tension coats his features. When he opens them again, it breaks my heart.
Tears threaten to spill. “Cal, I’m not plotting anything.”
“I can’t tell whether you’re being genuine or calculated. I hate feeling this way about you. Maybe it’s because I’m exhausted or worried about her. Perhaps it’s more. Iwantto trust your motivations. Iwantto trust you, but—”
“But you don’t,” I finish for him.
“Right,” he confesses in a whisper.
“Cal, trusting me will take time, but I have to believe you’ll get there one day. Until then, this is a consequence of my own actions, and I’m prepared to face it. While I don’t want it hanging over our heads forever, I can understand why you’re not there yet. I’ll be patient. For now, all I can do is swear to you that I have no ill intentions toward you, and especially toward your dear, sweet mother.I promise.”
His hold on me loosens. He kisses my forehead and pulls away, leaving my office in silence.
After standing there dumbstruck for a few seconds, I follow him. My feet move sluggishly, trudging me along three steps behind him, then four.
I can’t fix this right now. I can’t traverse this mountain between us. The one I put there.
Maybe I’ll never be able to.
