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Not only does this kiss give me a glimpse of what the night holds, but it’s also the kind that gets girls pregnant.
Never thought much about having kids one way or another, but with a man like him, this bitch might start thinking about it.
Chapter39
Should I stay or should I go?
KLEIN
Do you ever have a dream where someone is chasing you? I frequently do, but with a strange twist— I can’t stop laughing.
When I have that dream, I’m always scared on some level, but the excitement of the chase miraculously erodes my fears, leaving me giddy.
Because of my chosen belief system in life, I always figured the dream was about taking a crummy or worrisome situation and seeing the good in it. A nocturnal reminder to find the silver lining.
Does it seem like everything is going wrong in your life? Check again.Somethingmust be going right. Facing an insurmountable challenge? That just means the payoff will be even sweeter once you overcome it.
A little rain falls into everyone’s life, but how we view the storm defines us. Look closer and find the rainbow.
Cheesy, I know. But what else do you expect from me at this point, a Rat Pack reference? Fine. Here you go.
Frank sang about it in“That’s Life” when he talked about the ups and downs of life. When you fall, just dust yourself off and get back in the race.
I’m loosely paraphrasing Ol’ Blue Eyes, but you get the idea, right?
Anyhow.
So I had the dream last night.
When I woke up, I realized I was in the midst of a rather profound time of my life— opposing forces are battling for dominance in my psyche. Joy and strife. The good and the bad. And like always, the dream reminded me to focus on the positive, allowing it to comfort me through the struggles.
This last week has been a mash-up of worry, comfort, pain, happiness, pleasure, sadness, and even a dash of wonder.
But the biggest one shining through ishope.
Mia has stayed with me at my mother’s house for the last five nights. Not on the damn couch either, because fuck that. In Ma’s cognizant moments, she’s come to like Mia, which isn’t surprising. Most people love her. Together, the three of us have had light-hearted moments of laughter, along with times of worries so crippling that I don’t know how we’ll survive them.
Adversity surrounds me, pelting me from all sides.
My mother’s deteriorating condition. The threat from Lenkov. Our inability to find whoever broke into Mia’s house. Whatever is happening at the FBI. General stress at work from Tomer’s prolonged absence. And more.
Allthose issues pose great risks to my safety and happiness. Solving them seems impossible at times. The consequences of failing are severe and breathing down my neck.
So you’d think I’d be a wreck, living in a dark haze of misery.
Yet I’veneverfelt so much hope.
Hope.
It makes no sense. None at all.
Why would I want Mia to witness some of my worst moments?
Why would I want a woman I care about in danger?
I don’t want those things, but the upside is so strong it obliterates the downside. These last few chaotic days have shown me more glimpses of the silver lining than I ever dreamed possible. And that’s saying something, considering my glass is perpetually half-full.
Mia stands at the center of it all.
