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“The part that finally got me to acquiesce was when she said that she hated the idea of me changing her diapers, bathing her, and shit like that. It wasn’t her modesty so much as a desire to maintain her dignity. But more importantly, she didn’t want me to see her that way. She wants me to remember her how she was.”
“Do you blame her?”
“Nah.”
“It’s the last gift she can give you. Memories of her as untainted as possible.”
The longer this conversation goes on, the more I find myself caressing Mia. Her skin on mine is a balm, easing the burn inside my soul.
“I’m sorry, Cal. She doesn’t deserve this. Neither do you. Will you tell me once you get the estimate? Before you decide on anything?”
I study her carefully, wondering what she’s angling at. The last thing I want is for her to feel obligated to help cover the costs. That’s not gonna happen.
When I don’t respond, she adds, “Please, talk to me before you say no. I want to help you analyze it from all angles. Okay?”
I wink and take another bite of the pie of the gods. “Well, since you asked nicely, I’ll consider it.”
Her answering smile fades into a moan as I slip another bite into her mouth. “Before your pie made me question my retirement plan, you said you wanted to discuss some other stuff.”
I chuckle. “Hold up. What’s your retirement plan?”
Knowing Mia, this should be good, and I could use a lighthearted moment after talking about my worst nightmare.
“I was going to sell my house and move into the bakery at a local Publix. Find a corner and call it home. All I’d need was a cot and sleeping bag. The cake gods would provide the rest.”
I lick the back of my fork. “Squatting at a grocery store. Solid plan.”
She shimmies playfully, drawing a laugh from me. I lean in to kiss the warm, silky skin along her neck.
“Thanks. I spent a lot of time thinking it through.”
Once our combined laughter fizzles, the desire to know more about her claws its way out of my chest. “Okay, so with your retirement plan exposed, I know about your future. Tell me about your past. I want to know everything about you. It’s your turn to talk about the heavy shit.”
We’re more out of balance with that hanging between us. But it’s so damn easy to talk to her. Before, I used to avoid talking about painful shit out of fear it’d become too real. Now, I want to share everything with her because she’ll calm the storms in my heart.
Her face pinches tight, but it quickly eases. “Fair warning. It might make you see me differently, but I promised you I wouldn’t hold back. I intend to keep my word for as long as you want me.” She brushes her shoulder against my chest, then nuzzles deeper into my hold.
The idea of no longer wanting her is almost laughable.
“Where do you want me to start?”
“What happened with your sisters to cause that rift you mentioned? It can’tallbe due to your career at the CIA. There must be something else. Will you tell me about it?”
She nods and takes a steadying breath, then blurts it out in a rush. “It’s my fault my sister was raped and nearly died.”
My heart lodges in my throat, and my scalp prickles with unease. I want to refute her assertion without hearing the details. Mia wouldnevercause something like that.
But I remain silent, waiting for her to be ready to continue.
“In college, I dated a guy named Luke. I thought he was a great guy. He was a gentleman and always respectful to me. He got along with everyone. I brought him home to meet my family during winter break. My sister Portia was fifteen at the time.”
Her eyes close, and she tugs in a deep inhale through her nose. “One evening, I was making dinner with my middle sister, Claire. It was Chinese food night, which was our favorite to cook together. Everything homemade, even the egg rolls. My mother was running late, no big surprise. Portia would not stop whining because she wanted to go to the mall to buy a Christmas present for her best friend. I told her I’d take her the next day, but she was insistent about going right away. You’d swear the world would end if she didn’t get the damn gift immediately.”
I see where this is heading, and my blood is already boiling.
“Like a knight in shining armor, Luke offered to take her to the mall for us and promised they’d be home in time for dinner. But they never made it to the mall.”
Her chin quivers, and tears fill her eyes.
