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I can hear myself screaming as Jax kneels to the ground where I’m laying in a hole with a baby in my arms. I grab him, shake him, but he can't hear me. I’m a ghost.
“I can’t believe you did this to me… Why did you even come here?”
“Jax, no, I never meant this!” I scream, horrified eyes on the perfect boy in my arms.
“I wish you never came, Zeta.”
* * *
Iwake up with a jolt, tears streaming down my face.I was dreaming, it wasn’t real, just a dream!
My heart is beating out of my chest, my hands shaking. I can feel an episode starting. I realize I’m alone a moment before the seizure takes me in full, and the desperate loneliness hurts more than when my hands and feet thrash against the walls of the trailer and I bite my tongue again.
I’m completely aware, trapped in my own spasming body and unable to do anything about it. Everything hurts, every muscle is locked in an agonizing vice. But the exhaustion is already creeping in, and I know it will be over soon. It’s a short seizure, a harsh reminder of exactly how sick I am.
That I’ll never be able to escape this.
I have control of my lungs first, and I drag a screaming breath into my tortured lungs. I’ve fallen on the cold tile floor, bruises forming all over my naked body, and as I get control over my limbs I start to sob uncontrollably.
My memories were true, they weren’t part of the nightmare. What if the last one is my future? What if I’m going to die and take my child with me? Jax was so angry, so hurt, and so right. I never should have come here, never should have let him know me. Never should have mated with him.
Weak and trembling, I pull myself to my feet and dress hastily. There's a large black shirt in the closet, a pair of men’s jeans that fit a little too snugly shoved under the bed. I find an old pair of runners in a cabinet by the door. This is enough, I can survive with this. I don’t know where my backpack is now, but that’s okay, everything can be replaced. It’s not like I can take my medicine myself in the middle of an episode anyway.
When I crack open the door there isn’t a soul in sight. I step outside and throw my hair up in a messy bun, the tears already dried on my cheeks.
This is for the best, for Jax, for me.
If I go now I can spare him the pain of losing me after I’ve lived long enough to bear him a child. I refuse for that future to become my reality.
One thing my mother taught me that I’ll always be grateful for is how to sneak away unseen. I’m so good at it now, I’m like a ghost. I make it to the highway far from town without anyone seeing me. Cars are going by constantly, any of them could be someone in the pack. I have to be careful, have to be sure no one who knows who I am sees me.
The road is empty now, except for one huge semi-truck and I know it’s an opportunity I can miss. I run out onto the road, flagging him down, and he has no choice but to slam on the brakes. I’m standing in the way, almost in the middle of the road, desperate to escape. Maybe even hoping he won’t be able to stop, taking these hard decisions away from me, ending what I should never have started.
But the truck stops with the grill right in front of my nose.
I stare at thePeterbiltlogo on the truck for a long moment before a man comes running around the truck. His eyes are wide, mouth moving in terror, and the logo on his work shirt says ‘Corey.’
He’ll do.
Take me away from here, Corey.
Chapter8
Jackson
I’m sitting at the marble countertop in the mansion’s kitchen, turning and twisting a glass full of amber liquid in my hand. The burn of liquor barely seems to touch me now, where before it was my only solace.
I’m waiting for Evelyn to wake up after asking Rachel as I left to keep an eye on the trailer if Cricket should wake. She’ll let her know I’ll be back, but I need to know what our options are. Rachel will bring her to me when Cricket wakes up, then maybe together Rachel and Evelyn can do something for her.
I’ll take any answer to the question of her illness, except the one that says she won't.
Catherine comes into the kitchen, rosy cheeks glowing with sweat and carrying a heavy platter of breakfast foods and tea. I jump out of my seat and take it from her and she breathes a sigh of relief.
“Thank you, Jackson. Feeding a whole pack is not something I think I’ll ever get used to! More and more people keep coming in, called back by Cole. Of course they all want to stay here. Have you seen the sitting room? They’re packed in there like wee sausages on the floor.”
I grab a sausage after I set the platter on the counter and bite it with a wink. “Sausages are my favorite!”
She puts her hands on her round hips and rolls her eyes at me. “I haven’t forgotten boy, that’s why I made extra!”
