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His eyes fall shut, tears streaming down his cheeks, dribbling into this scruffy beard. “I know, sweetheart. And I’m not ready to say goodbye to you either.” Pulling my face up to his, he kisses my cheeks, my nose, my forehead, and finishes softly on my lips.
“But that’s the beautiful thing about death. It’s not goodbye, Claire. Your mom has been with me every step of the way since she left this earth. And I know she’s been with you too. With all of you, even Vivi.” His mouth tilts with a small smile. “Hell, I think she knew Vivi before any of us did. She sent her to us, you know. To help us all.”
His smile is gentle, filled with so many unspoken promises to walk beside me every day, even if I won’t see him.
“So I’m not saying goodbye, sweetheart. This isn’t the end. When one chapter ends, another begins. My story isn’t done. There’s no goodbye, not when it comes to us. I’ll be with you. And I’ll see you later.”
With Vivi fast asleep in her bed and Turkey wrapped tightly around her body, Avery, Casey, Charlee and I curl up together around the firepit out back. It’s been quiet, none of us saying a word, just sitting around, staring up at the stars.
But it’s comfortable.
Despite the ache in my chest where it feels like I have a knife lodged in my heart, the corner of my mouth tugs up when I look at Charlee in Casey’s lap, her head on his shoulder, his fingers trailing over her back.
Casey grins suddenly, a welcome laugh piercing the silent air. “Remember that time Dad took us fishing? With the frog?”
Charlee laughs, lifting her head off his shoulder and flashing me her brilliant smile. “Claire, I was so pissed at you.”
“At me? You should have been pissed at them!” I gesture to my brother.
Avery’s deep chuckle vibrates against my back, his breath tickling my neck. “I need to hear this story.”
“Claire and Charlee were in a canoe, and me, Dex, and Dad took a break. We found a frog, and I was about to let it go in the water when Dad swiped it from my hands.” The flames dance in Casey’s eyes, permanent smile glued to his face as he remembers. I want to be mad, but I can’t help smiling too. “He told the girls to paddle over to see the baby bunny.”
“Bunny?” Avery questions. “I thought you said frog.”
Casey’s grin is pure evil. “I did.” Charlee giggles again, settling back in his chest, Casey’s arms coming around her. They look so cozy, like they’re right where they’re meant to be—together. “So they paddle over, excited to see the bunny Dad’s holding. He tells them to stand up so they could lean over and see it from where we were on the edge of the shore.”
Casey’s head dips, his laughter booming around us. “And then my dad drops the frog on Claire’s head,” he wheezes. “Yells boo!” He swipes at tears and all I want to do is punch my brother right in the face. “Claire lost her damn mind, flailing all over the place. She lost her balance, latched onto Charlee, and—”
“And she fucking took me down!” Charlee finishes, pointing at me. “The canoe tipped and we went flying backwards!” She jabs her thumb back at Casey. “These assholes were laughing so hard it was five whole minutes before they finally helped us out.”
“Hey now.” His laughter makes his words shakes, and he grabs her hand, pinning it to her side. “It was my dad’s fault. It was his idea. I was just a young, impressionable teenage boy.”
Charlee and I roll our eyes with the same ferocity. Avery’s still laughing like a jackass behind me, but as we spend the next hour reminiscing, laughing, and crying, I notice the weight crushing my chest lifts just slightly, letting me breathe again.
When I yawn for the seventh time, Avery clears his throat and stands, lifting me in his arms. “Alright. It’s been a long day and there’s a tiny redhead inside who’s hellbent on seeing her Gramps at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow.”
Casey and Charlee follow his lead, following us hand-in-hand into the house.
Outside my bedroom door, Charlee wraps me in a hug so big, so suffocating, I struggle to breathe. But I soak every second of it in, her warmth, her smell, her innate Charlee-ness. She’s my best friend, my sister, and she’s always by my side, showing me unrelenting love and support.
“I love you, Claire Bear,” she whispers.
“I love you so much, Charlee. Thanks for being here.”
“Where else would I be? You’re my family.” She kisses my nose, wraps her arms around Avery, and then heads down the hall to the kitchen, where Casey’s making her a tea before bed.
In my bedroom, Avery strips off his shirt before heading to the bathroom. When he returns a few minutes later, I’m holding the soft cotton in my hands, feeling it against my skin. I’m debating putting it on, because I’m not mentally able to have sex tonight. If I put it on, Avery will get the hint. But for the first time in over two months, I missed a night with him. I missed his body against mine, the fire from his skin heating mine, his fingers pressing, caressing, skimming.
Avery steps in to me and takes his shirt from my hands. “No shirt. I know you’re not there, Claire, and neither am I. Tonight is just about being together, holding you. And I need to feel you.” His hands slide down my arms, fingers lacing with mine. “I missed you like fucking crazy. Please, just let me feel you.”
When I nod, he lifts me in his arms, carting me over to the bed. It’s small, and I miss his bed—our bed—but I like this. There’s no room for empty spaces, just me and him and all our limbs, tangled together, just the way we should be.
When he slips in next to me, I turn in his arms, pressing into his chest, shoving my leg between his. “I’m so sorry,” I murmur. “I’m sorry I yelled at you. I’m sorry I left.”
“You scared me, Claire.” His voice shakes. “I thought you were leaving me. I thought I was losing you.”
My lips touch his shoulder. “I’ll always be yours, Avery, as long as you want me.”
