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“Well, technically it’s called high magic. But yes.”
Ivy looks at me as if I’m a stranger, as if we’ve never met. My heart breaks when I see the betrayal in her eyes.
“And you let him show you? You let him get away with it? We have to tell your mom,” she says, pushing herself off the bed.
I grab her arm. “Ivy, no! Please,” I beg. “Please just listen.”
Ivy looks toward my door, and it’s clear that she’s torn. Finally, her shoulders relax slightly, and she sits down on the bed.
“It isn’t… it isn’t evil,” I say, choosing my words carefully. “What he showed me. It’s based on a connection with the Earth. It’s natural.”
Ivy stares at me. “It’sdangerous.”
“No,” I say, willing her to understand. “I thought so, too, but it wasn’t harmful or anything to be afraid of.”
Ivy’s face is pinched like she ate something sour. “I can understand you having a rendezvous with a boy on a beach, but this? Do you hear yourself? How do you know he isn’t using his magic on your mind? How do you know he hasn’t charmed you to speak this way?”
“Of course he hasn’t,” I say before I even have time to think.
He wouldn’t.
Would he?
“He saved my life,” I say when Ivy doesn’t respond.
“What do you mean?”
I sink lower on the bed. “I missed the rush. It was an accident, and Wolfe helped me expel my excess magic so I wouldn’t die.”
“Youwhat?”
“I know, I shouldn’t have missed it. But I did, and the only reason I’m still here is because Wolfe helped me.”
“But your life is tainted now,” Ivy says.
I look at her in disbelief. “At least I’m alive,” I counter, my voice rising. “Would you rather I be dead?”
Ivy doesn’t respond right away, and it hurts to see her examining the question, trying to find an answer that won’t tear us apart. But then she shakes her head slowly. She won’t say it out loud, won’t dare put voice to it, but it’s enough.
I need to show Ivy, make her understand that my life isn’t tainted, that what we’ve been taught to believe isn’t accurate. She knows me better than anyone, and I know I can trust her with this. “Let me show you something,” I say, pulling her off the bed.
We walk down the back staircase. My parents are still talking in the living room, and I quietly open the back door and lead Ivy outside.
Our lawn is perfectly manicured, a vibrant green circle surrounded by plants and shrubs. Several ferns grow along the base of a maple tree.
“What are we doing out here, Tana?” Ivy asks. Her voice is wary, but I know I can make her understand.
My hands are in my pockets, and when I pull them out, several petals from the moonflower I forgot about are in my palm, remnants from when I gave Wolfe the memory keeper. “See these?” I say, holding them out to Ivy. “These are petals from a moonflower, but I’m able to touch them. They aren’t hurting me; why aren’t they hurting?” I walk over to a fern and brush my fingers against the rough leaves, close my eyes until the magic inside me recognizes the energy of the plant. It flows to me freely, and I gently take it and tuck it in the dirt close by, whispering the words I used with Wolfe on the beach. Another fern sprouts.
“How could this be dangerous? Isn’t this the most natural expression of magic—working with the Earth instead of harming it?”
Ivy’s hand drifts to her mouth, and she takes a step away from me. Her eyes are wild, and she stares at the fern before her. “You used dark magic.” The words are so quiet, and she says them as if they’re a terminal diagnosis, as if she’s preparing herself to lose me. It was one thing when she thought Wolfe had used dark magic to save me; it’s another thing entirely to know that I’ve used it, too.
I take a step closer to her. “Don’t you see? There’s nothing evil about it. Even the way I reach him is beautiful: I say his name at midnight, and if he hears it, he comes.”
“That isn’t the point, Tana. Of course there’s nothing evil about bringing another fern into existence or saying a name at midnight. But the magic that created that fern and enables you to contact Wolfe is the same magic that heals what should not be healed and summons spirits and plays the role of God.” Her voice shakes,red-hot fury pouring from her. “Itisevil, and our ancestors realized that as soon as they gave it up. It poisons you from the inside out. Why do you think we’ve been able to sustain the new order for so long? It’s because we know now that dark magic is rotten. If you think it won’t eat you alive, you’re a fool.” Ivy practically spits the words. “This is the same magic that got our ancestors killed, Tana. If you need a reminder, I’m happy to walk you down to the docks right now so you can stare at the charred planks until you remember that the kind of magic you just displayed almost eradicated us entirely. How have you lost sight of that?”
She glares at me, and I don’t know what to say. She’s right, but I can’t make myself believe it the way I used to. It’s heartbreaking to realize I’m doubting things I’ve never before doubted. I want to believe in our magic. And I do.
