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I wonder what my wedding to Landon will look like, if there will be even a fraction of the intimacy and joy I’ve seen tonight. But as soon as I think it, I know there won’t be. The wedding won’t be for Landon and me; it will be for show, a production meant for everyone in attendance.
“What are you thinking about?”
I turn to Wolfe, and he’s watching me intently. It isn’t his fault that doubt has crept into the edges of my mind, that uncertainty is clawing at my insides, that for the first time in my life,I’m thinking about what I want instead of what’s expected. But I take it out on him anyway.
“I’m thinking that I want to go home.” I drop my glass to the earth and rush back to Galen’s study, tearing off the gray lace dress and replacing it with my own clothes. I need to get out of here, get back to solid ground.
“Get this off,” I say when Wolfe finds me, motioning to my face. His hand reaches for mine, and I step away. “Please.”
“Okay.” My face cools with his magic, and I instantly miss what it felt like to be in his world, to look the part.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, but it’s an impossible question to answer.Everything.Everything is wrong.
I see a large wooden door carved with silhouettes of moonflowers, and I know I’ve found my exit. I force it open, the door groaning on its hinges, and hurry out into the night.
twenty-four
Wolfe follows me to the edge of the trees behind the manor. I can see the path in the distance that will lead me home.
“Why did you bring me here tonight?” I ask again, facing him.
He looks at me intently, his eyes never leaving mine. “Because you’re trying to force yourself into a box you don’t fit in. This is the life you were taught to despise,” he says, pointing to the manor behind us, his voice rising. “We aren’t a bunch of evil witches chanting in circles and conspiring with the devil. We’re a family. We laugh and have hopes and fears and dreams, just like you do. We farm and raise our children and try our best to protect this Earth.”
“It isn’t that simple—”
“Yes, it is. This is alife, Mortana. A vibrant, full life.” His words are urgent and loud and angry.
“And what do you want me to do about it?” I yell, at a total loss for what this life could ever mean for me. “There is no place for me here.”
Wolfe grabs my hand and closes the space between us. “There is a life for you here, a life where you can be everything you’re afraid of being.” He looks down at me, his breaths filling the air and colliding with my own. He searches my face, his gaze so intense I can feel it on my skin, feel it in my core.
He permeates everything, every belief and doubt and question I’ve ever had about myself. When I look at him, I see the person I want to be, the potential of a life lived on my own terms.
And it hurts.
It hurts.
Hot tears prick at my eyes, and I swallow them down. “That’s where you’re wrong,” I say, the words shaking as they come out of my mouth. “There has only ever been one life for me.”
Rain starts falling from the black sky, and I’m soaked in seconds. I pull my hand from Wolfe’s. “I have to go.”
I turn to leave, but Wolfe catches my wrist and pulls me back, and I crash into him just like the first night we met. I’m scared to look up at him but even more scared not to. I lift my gaze, and he puts his hands on either side of my face, his wet fingers weaving into my hair.
“I don’t want to lose you,” he says.
I put my hands over his and close my eyes, feel the way his breath tickles my skin and his fingers spark a flame that burns all through my body. I imagine pushing my lips against his and practicing his magic and allowing myself to be all the things he thinks I’m capable of being.
Then I pull his hands from my face and take a step back. “I was never yours to lose,” I say.
I take the moonflower from my hair and let it fall to the ground. Then I run. I run as fast as I can until I reach the path that will lead me home. I stop to catch my breath and turn to look at the manor in the distance, its magic lifted just for me. It is dark and looming, haunting and eerie, everything the Witchery is not. And it’s absolutely beautiful.
I turn my back to it and follow the path around the northern edge of the island, finally making my way to my street, but I stop as soon as I see my house.
It’s four o’clock in the morning, but every single light is on. Through the giant windows, I see my father pacing and my mother on the phone behind him. She wraps her arms around my dad, his face wracked with worry.
Guilt seizes me, and I run into the house even though I’m terrified of the storm that’s waiting for me.
“I’m here,” I shout, jumping up the stairs and rushing into the living room.
