AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She smiled and he smiled back; then she looked pensively down into her coffee again. “Once I knew I was pregnant, I never gave the donor another thought. He was a nameless number with all the desired traits, interests, and physical characteristics, but I didn’t think of him as aperson.
“Since the shooting, he’s come to mind frequently. Somewhere there’s a man who’ll never even know that Charlie was conceived, that he was beautiful and sweet and clever. And then he was killed in the Fairground shooting.” After a pause, she said, “Actually, I think the donor would rather not know that.”
Calder agreed but didn’t say so. “Did your ex marry the girl?”
“He brought her to the funeral. The irony? She’s out-to-here pregnant.” She formed a circle with her arms above the tabletop.
“I hate that cocksucker.”
She laughed. “You sound like Glenda.”
“She’s your best friend?”
“The best of besties. That night, she came to the hospital as soon as she could. If not for her, I don’t think I would have gotten through it.”
“In the group session, you stopped before you got to that part. What happened at the hospital? If you feel like talking about it.”
“It’s okay.”
Calder wouldn’t have encouraged her to proceed and was somewhat surprised when she turned reflective and began to speak. He was even more surprised by how badly he wanted to hear the rest of her story.
“I had a minor injury that was dealt with in the ER.” She told him the extent of that and then related what had happened when she and her friend got down to the morgue. “Even when they told me I needed to go, I couldn’t leave. There was a ferocious thunderstorm. I used it as an excuse to stay longer. Glenda and I sat in a cold corridor until after daybreak.
“Eventually, inevitably, I had to surrender him. The attendant was considerate, even apologetic. She told me that I would be notified when Charlie was transported to the funeral home. Transported,” she said with distaste. “Like he was cargo, not my little boy.”
She propped her elbows on the table and placed her fingertips at her temples. “But the worst of it, the very worst, was when the stroller got away from me, and I could hear him screaming but couldn’t get to him. I dwell on that more than I do on the moment I had to accept that he was gone.
“He had to have wondered where I was, why wasn’t I there, why—”
“Shh, shh, shh.” Calder reached across the table and took one of her hands, pressing it between his. “Elle?” She raised her head and looked at him. “Don’t blame yourself for not taking him out of the stroller. Given the situation, it was the right decision. You know that.”
“I don’t blame myself, exactly. But I do have to live with it.” She gulped, swallowing with effort, and eventually brought herself under control. “I’m sorry. So sorry. What a spectacle. Is anybody looking?”
“I don’t know. I don’t give a shit.”
She released a spontaneous breath that was almost a laugh and blotted her wet cheeks with the back of her free hand. He was still holding her other between his.
She sniffed and smoothed back loose strands of hair. “Lord! How many buckets can one person cry?”
“No one is counting.”
She gave him a look of gratitude and continued to gaze into his eyes. Which is how he knew the instant she realized that he was rubbing his fingers across the back of her hand, because her breath caught, and she looked down at their hands and slowly pulled hers away.
She straightened her shoulders and looked at her watch, motions that signified a withdrawal beyond the reclaiming of her hand. “I should be going.”
“Will you do me a favor first?”
“If I can.”
“Will you show me a picture of Charlie?” When she failed to respond, he feared he’d made a terrible blunder. “Look, sorry, I shouldn’t’ve—”
“No, no it’s fine. Of course. I just…” Flustered, she took her cell phone from an outside pocket of her purse, accessed her photos, and began to scroll through. “I’ve only got about ten thousand, but this is one of my favorites. It was taken on his second birthday.”
She held the phone out to him, and he took it. Upon seeing the child’s face, Calder had anticipated choking up, but the smile Charlie had flashed at the camera was infectious, and he couldn’t help himself from smiling back. “Was he always this happy?”
She laughed. “No. Trust me, he had his moments.”
Calder pointed at a lumpy thing clutched beneath the boy’s arm.
