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“You don’t want this, though,” he said. “You want someone with shared goals and aligned needs and who will give you the stable, happy life you deserve.”
“I do,” she admitted.
Could she hear the raging protests in his head? The security guards that kept his heart locked up tight shouting at him to remember why he couldn’t fall for anyone ever again. Because grief was a relentless bitch. Because he’d loved with everything he had and it still wasn’t enough to keep her alive. Because good things would be ripped from your hands the second you felt comfortable.
He had no idea how to voice any of that. Even after therapy and grief counseling, he still wasn’t good at talking about his feelings. About voicing his fears. It was easier to keep it all in, put his head down and work, work, work.
“I’m not asking you to put a ring on my finger,” she said gently. “I understand why you don’t want to do the relationship thing again.”
They’d never explicitly talked about Ellery’s death. August had been there for him the whole time, however, showing her support even if she didn’t verbalize it. She came to the funeral and the wake. She dropped food at his apartment because she knew he couldn’t cook for shit. She would check on him through Leah, wanting to know how he was coping and if there was anything she could do to help.
“Sex doesn’t have to be...” She shook her head. “Sometimes it can just be a moment between two people.”
But it wasn’t, with her. That was the problem. Sex with August could never be casual, no matter how many boundaries they put up.
“I don’t want to... I don’t want to ruin things,” he said.
“I appreciate that. But we can act on something that’s been there a long time without drawing up a lifelong contract. I’m not trying to say it doesn’t mean anything, but... I just... I respect your boundaries, that’s all.”
Good lord, this woman. This bighearted, intelligent, perfect woman.
“Keaton...” She sighed. “I’m lonely and I know you are, too. Maybe we don’t have to be lonely tonight is all I’m saying.”
She was right. Hewaslonely. By choice, admittedly, but he still felt the yawning void in his life that Ellery had left behind. It was why he filled his time with work and family, keeping busy so he could ignore the festering wound in his heart.
But tonight she was offering him a salve. A balm. A moment.
And the raw honesty in her voice frayed the last vestiges of his control. He leaned forward, brushing his lips against hers. The first kiss was brief. Testing. Like he wanted to see if God would smite him down on the spot for betraying the promise he’d made, even if it was one Ellery hadn’t wanted.
Nothing.
August blinked, her mouth parted in anticipation and moonlight dancing on her freckle-dusted skin. Her eyelashes were still damp, and they stuck together in little spikes.
He brought his head down again and she wound her arms around his neck, keeping him in place so he knew this wasn’t over. Not yet. Not by a long shot. He pressed his lips to hers again, opening her this time and slipping his tongue into her mouth. His mind went blank, fingers thrusting into her hair, pulling her head back so he could take more, demand more. Taste more.
He was about to cross a line he’d never thought he’d cross, and there was no going back.
15
Unable to stop herself, August pressed her hips against Keaton, rocking back and forth until a wonderfully primal sound came from the back of his throat. He was like steel against her and he wedged a muscular thigh between her legs, forcing an echoing sound from her lips.
She’d dreamed about this for so damn long.
For a second, it was almost like having an out-of-body experience and looking down on herself instead of experiencing the moment. His dark hair was a stark contrast to her pale fingers, and the stubble scratched deliciously against her cheek as he kissed her. His hands traversed her body, over her shoulders and down her arms, cupping her hips and then finally digging into her backside.
He pulled her tight against him and she gasped.
“Is this what you want?” His voice was rough as tarmac. “You want me to finally give in to you after all these years. After I’ve been so goddamn determined to stay away from you.”
The words socked her in her chest.Hadhe found it hard to stay away? All this time she’d thought he wasn’t interested, that whatever spark caused him to try to kiss her that night had fizzled and died for good. He’d seemed amused and irritated by Leah’s matchmaking attempts, but never interested.
She shook herself, as if remembering why she was here. This was sex. Yes, she cared about Keaton. Yes, she wanted to sleep with him. But there was no way she’deverfool herself into thinking it would go anywhere. He was too damaged for that. Too broken. Too walled off. And she deserved to find someone who would commit to a partnership wholeheartedly and without games or reservations.
Keaton was not that man.
This was simply a release of emotion, checking off a fantasy from her sexual bucket list, satisfying a raw, human need. Nothing more.
“Then walk away,” she said, challenging him. “I’m not forcing you to be here.”
