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“I can see you feel conflicted,” Maxine said. “Why don’t we go back to basics here? Let’s leave the matches to one side for a moment. Tell me about a time when youreallyconnected with someone and what it was about them that made that connection.”
“There’s one guy...” She looked down at her hands, where they were twisting up the bedcovers. “He’s chronically unavailable. But when we’re together it feels like...like I’ve let out a breath I’ve been holding. I can be myself, unfiltered.”
“Authenticity is very important.”
She released the covers and smoothed her palms down her thighs. “I want the kind of relationship where everything is aligned. I don’t need it to be full of hearts and roses and candlelit dinners, you know? I’m not a romantic at heart. But I want someone tosharemy life with, to not have it be one-sided.”
Maxine nodded, her head bowed as she was taking some notes.
“It’s not like I think I’m perfect or anything, so I don’t expect someone I date to be perfect, either. But at least someone who actually wants commitment and a long-term future. I feel like I’m seeing smoke and mirrors and falsehoods with these guys.” Her lip quivered. “I’m sick of being on the outside all the time.”
“This might sound a bit odd, but trust me for a moment,” Maxine said. “Tell me a little about your parents. It will help me understand the relationships that have shaped you, because our familial influence is usually a strong one. Are they still together? Are they deeply in love?”
August sighed. “They’re deeply invested in climbing the ladder together and furthering their social standing. But love? They were never affectionate in front of me...ever. Or with me, for that matter.”
For a moment, she felt incredibly vulnerable, like she’d walked into the middle of Fifth Avenue completely naked. Plenty of people knew her relationship with her parents was strained, but no one besides Leah knew the intricacies of it.
That her parents had never once said they loved her. That she’d cried in bed some nights, wishing she could have been born to a different family.
Maybe that was why passion scared her, because it was wildly unfamiliar. Foreign. If her own parents didn’t show her love and affection, how could she ever expect it from a romantic partner?
“My mom is a doctor at a family practice and dad is a surgeon. They were never home much when I was a kid.”
Coming home day after day to the silent house had worn on August. She needed to be around people, needed the social interaction and the feeling of belonging. But often she’d have to cook dinner for herself, since her parents got home late, and she detested the way the house creaked and groaned in the quiet.
“I’ve learned to accept myself instead of needing acceptance from them,” she said. “I’m proud of who I’ve become.”
“As you should be.” Maxine nodded. “You’re an exceptional young woman.”
“Thank you.” She swallowed. “My dad in particular...he has always held me at a distance, and I’m not sure why. It’s like I’m on the outside, looking in. Never truly being seen for who I really am.”
Maxine’s head was bowed again, as she took notes.
“I don’t want someone like him, you know. I don’t want to be with someone who’s going to hold themselves back the way he does. Who’s not capable of letting people in.”
Now that they were done with the headshots, Keaton walked Molly through the grounds of the retreat, back toward the cabin. Molly’s nose was glued to the ground, sniffing every little thing and tugging on her leash whenever she wanted to follow a trail or chase a bug. The sunshine warmed his skin and the sight of Molly’s wagging tail put a smile on his lips.
Who’d have thought there would ever be a day whereanythingto do with that dog made you smile!
“You did a good job today, Molly,” he said as they walked. The husky paused to look over her shoulder at him, tongue lolling out of her mouth. “You are the most excellent girl.”
He wasn’t sure that huskies—or any dogs for that matter—could actually smile, but hefelther smile. In his heart.
Two days out of the city and you’re turning into a fucking sap.
Maybe he should get a dog of his own?
He dismissed the idea as quickly as it popped into his head. One, he workedlonghours and it would be cruel to keep a dog home alone for that much time every day. And the chance of Thomas allowing pets in the office was slimmer than a single sheet of paper. Two, getting attached to someone—even a canine someone—was a bad idea, as dogs lived even less time than humans.
But maybe whenever he visited Leah, he would spend some time with Molly instead of trying to ignore her like he usually did.
Molly tugged on the leash, clearly captured by something.I want to go here.
“Okay, okay. Don’t choke yourself.”
There was no rush to get back, since August had some Zoom thing she needed to do. She’d been a little vague about it, which was unlike her.
The cabin was up ahead, and Molly was still sniffing something. Then she caught sight of an orange-and-black butterfly. Lurching forward, she yanked on the leash and it slipped out of his hand. Molly took off running.
