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“It was bound to happen eventually. But it’s not your fault.”
She swallowed. “People always make mistakes.”
“Yes, but I can’t expect someone to walk on eggshells around me and not live their life because something bad might happen.” He sighed. “I would never want to trap someone with the fear I have. It would be cruel.”
“What if that someone was willing to work through the fear with you? What if they didn’t see it as cruel, but instead understood your position?” She hated the desperation in her voice. “What if they thought it was perfectly reasonable that you were scared and they wanted to help you?”
The life and light went out of his eyes. “I can’t do that to you, August.”
Don’t say goodbye. Don’t give up.
August’s brain spun, trying to figure out how to voice what she wanted without making things worse. It was like walking along a crumbling cliff’s edge—one wrong step and she’d go tumbling over, breaking away a piece of him that could never be replaced.
Eventually, she settled on the simple truth. “I like you, Keaton. A lot.”
“I like you, too.”
“Not to the same extent, I don’t think.” She bit down on her lip. “Because when I say like, I mean...”
Love.
Something flickered in his eyes—fear. He was afraid of how strongly she might feel and she could see it written all over his face. The reaction was like another lash over her heart. Which sealed her truth: no matter how much she loved a person, she could never allow herself to be in a position where she wasn’t loved the same amount in return. She couldn’t be with a man who locked his feelings away.
Feeling unloved and unworthy had been the single most painful aspect of her childhood. She wanted to love and be loved in return.
“I mean...” The words were heavy on her tongue. It felt pointless to say it out loud, because she knew she was staring down the barrel of the end. But what did she have to lose? It was already ending. At least if she made her voice heard, she could walk away knowing she’d left nothing on the table. “I love you.”
No shock registered on his face. He knew. He’d always known.
“I loved you that night you tried to kiss me, but I was young and nervous and it felt so important that I just... I froze. I wasn’t ready.” She let out a breath.
“I thought you wanted a practical partner with all your checklists and shared goals and your perfect compatible hobbies and topics of conversation.” For a moment, the teasing Keaton was back. “You wanted a perfect-on-paper relationship.”
Not anymore.
Because she knew that focusing on those things made it easier to hide from what she really wanted—him. The man who was her worst possible match because his ideal life looked nothing like hers, a man who was capable of great love and yet refused to allow himself to get close to people. A man who let fear guide his decisions.
A man who wouldn’t even let people into his home.
He was a worse match for her than any bad viral Tinder date. Worse, because he had the capacity to hurt her.
Why did it have to be him, of all people? But there was no denying the intuition that fanned to life in her gut. She loved Keaton with all her heart...and he would never allow himself to love her back.
“Why are you going back, Keaton?” she asked. “Because of work?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “I have to.”
I’m calling bullshit on that.
“No, you don’t. Youchooseto.” She looked deep into his eyes, her heart begging him to listen. To see that there was more that life could offer him. To believe in himself. “I can’t stand to see you waste your life at a place like that, doing a job you don’t even like, working for a man who wants to change who you are. Who wants to change what’s good about you.”
Keaton looked away, shaking his head, barriers firmly in place around his heart. She would never reach him.
Because he was a man who didn’t want to be reached.
Part of him had been hoping for a quick getaway before August finished her shower, because it would have been easier that way. Easier for him, because he wouldn’t have to face her judgment and her love.
The fact was, when he’d seen August on the ground before he called her name, he’d thought the worst. The very, very worst. For a split second, he was convinced she was dead. It made his last day with Ellery play on a loop in his head. All that pain, the helplessness, the regrets.
