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As shitty as today has been, I know I did the right thing. I just didn’t think he would accept it as quickly as he did. I know he came over to break up with me, but a part of me hoped he wouldn’t go through with it. I think we’re worth fighting for, but I can’t be fighting for something when he’s working against me. As soon as the job opportunity came up, it gave him an excuse to pull back.
And maybe this is partly my fault as well. I didn’t tell him my priorities were changing. I was too worried about everything happening so fast that I didn’t tell him how much I was enjoying where I was at in this stage of my life. I have the highest position I can get at my job, I had an awesome boyfriend, my home was almost finished and exactly what I hoped it would be, and most of all, I was happy.
I don’t know what this next week is going to bring, but I’m actually glad I am going to this interview. If nothing else, I will know that I am happy and content where I’m at, even if that is without Cash and Penny.
Knowing I had to get up early, I stopped drinking while the others carried on. They told me there was no way they were leaving me tonight, so with the help of Landon, we pulled the mattress downstairs and made one giant bed to snuggle up in.
Even though I looked like shit, I snapped a few pictures of all of us. These are my people that I couldn’t get by without, and even though today sucked, I’m going to take the damn picture so I can remember they’ll always have my back and be there to make me laugh.
I made it to the hotel and got checked in with plenty of evening left so I decided to go check out the city. If I did decide I wanted to move here, it would be nice to see what the city had to offer. I stopped at the desk to check, ask for recommendations and set out to have some tacos for dinner. They are my favorite and I’m never one to turn down trying a new taco place.
It’s close enough so I walk and am shocked to find a little hole in the wall shop. It’s definitely a mom and pop place and I’m super pumped to try it out. I get a few different tacos and snag one of the outdoor tables. They are so fucking good that I take a picture and have half a message typed out before realizing I can’t really text Cash about them. It’s going to take a bit to not want to reach out to him on my every whim.
After dinner, I walk some more before trying to call it a night. I haven’t had a good nights sleep since Reid’s baseball game, and I’m fucking exhausted. I’m shocked that I’m able to relax and get some sleep with everything going on.
The hospital is next door to the hotel, so I don’t have to worry about a commute and can take my time in the morning. I’m not really sure if today will just be an interview or if I’ll get to dive into the ER, so I decide to rock my pants suit and pack a bag with my scrubs, shoes, and stethoscope just in case.
The interview went well, and the hospital is super impressive. I spent the morning doing the interview and a tour in the afternoon getting to hang out in the ER and observe. There are quite a few nurses there that are my age, and I was pleasantly surprised when they asked me to join them for dinner.
The next two days I dove right in to get a feel of how the ER operated and I was thoroughly impressed. The current head nurse is a wonderful woman who is about to retire and mother hens the hell out of her nurses, but is also as fierce as can be in the next breath. I’m honestly in awe of her and am trying to absorb as much of her badassery as possible while I’m here.
But, as welcoming and awesome the past few days have been, I’m fucking miserable. I miss MY nurses and ER. I miss my doctors who I can predict what they need before they even ask. I miss my sisters and my dad. I miss my hot tub and my brand new room. But most of all, I fucking miss Cash and Penny.
I’m starting to wonder if I made the right choice. Maybe I should’ve called him out and told him to take this week to think about what he wants before I completely shut everything down. But not knowing where we stand while I’m here would have been torture. No matter how much it blows, this at least has some closure to it.
I’m also super anxious about Penny’s birthday tomorrow. I want to call her so bad and be able to wish her a happy birthday and see how much her dad, Reid, and her grandparents spoil her, but I don’t know what Cash has said to her. I asked to still be a part of her life and to let me know where he stands in that regard, but he still hasn’t said anything yet. My heart is going to break even more if he doesn’t let me be at least a small part of her life.
Dating someone with a kid isn’t for the faint of heart. They wiggle in quicker than you even realize. Plus, seeing Cash with her was like an instant ovary explosion. Kids weren’t even on my radar and all I can think about now is being Penny’s mom since she brought it up at the game. Hell, I’ve even thought about giving her a little brother or sister.
Thursday comes and I can’t resist. I text Cash to wish Penny a happy birthday. Landon has a swim lesson with her today, so he promised he’d give her the birthday present I bought for her. Cash is going to kill me, but I couldn’t pass up the mini makeup, hair, and nail set.
Penny always loves myfancyhair and nails, I thought we could have so much fun doing hers. It’s going to suck to not be able to help her, but hopefully she makes her dad, Landon, and Uncle Reid participate.
I’m surprised when my phone rings and it’s Landon. I swipe without even thinking and get to see the sweetest smile. “Chayse!!!”
“Happy birthday, Punk! I wasn’t expecting you to call. This is such a great surprise!”
“Lando said that even though daddy is being a grumpy growly daddy bear, it’s my birthday and if I wants to call you, then I’m allowed.”
“Oh, did he say that?” I can see Landon snickering in the background and then casually flip someone off while he acts like he’s scratching his nose. My heart drops knowing it’s most likely Cash he’s flipping off. Tears fill my eyes before I can blink them away.
“Why are you crying, Chayse?” Penny starts pouting and Landon’s attention flips back to mine in a heartbeat. He’s instantly scowling, and I would not want to be the one who has to deal with him.
“Ugh, sorry, Punk. I didn’t mean to cry. They’re happy tears that I get to talk to you on your birthday even though I can’t be there. Did Landon give you your present?”
“YESSS!!! I love it soooo much. He even said I can paint his nails after we go swimming since he doesn’t have to go straight to work. Are you working at the other hospital?”
“Sort of. I’m helping if they need it, but I’m mostly observing. I’m watching and trying to decide if I could work here and be helpful or if they would be better off without me.”
“Well, I know I’m not supposed to say it, but I want you to come home. I don’t like that you aren’t here.” Before I can respond I hear a sharp, “Penny!” and my heart cracks open a little more. I don’t want to hear his voice, but I definitely don’t want him getting upset with Penny for being honest.
“It’s okay, Pen. I know it’s hard, but I want you to be honest with me, always. If you are feeling something, I always want you to tell me, even if it isn’t always polite or you think it may upset me. You understand?”
She nods her head before glancing where I’m sure Cash is sitting. I can’t take this much longer without crying again, and the last thing I want to do is make her upset on her birthday.
“Alright Punk, I hate to say it, but I need to get back. I hope you have a great swim lesson with Landon and an awesome rest of your birthday. Eat a slice of cake for me.”
“I will! Love you, bye!” It’s like a sucker punch to the heart, but thankfully she’s rushing off before she can see me lose it. Unfortunately, Landon is paying attention and narrows his eyes as he sees me trying to hold it together. I just wave and hang up not wanting to make a big thing about it.
